2007-01-04 - 12:22 p.m.

Before work this morning I was reading a chapter in my current book. It’s one of those sort of Erma Bombeck for the modern woman things like Laurie Notaro writes. Oh, I know Laurie and this girl who wrote this book, none of them really think they’re writing Erma Bombeck books, but they are. It’s all just a satirical look at what they’re lives are and how they got here without any actual literary calories included.

At any rate this book is advertised as being the tales of a girl who was raised in a pretty normal wonderbread kinda home and then she goes off to write columns about people living alternative lifestyles and how this dichotomy is uproariously funny.

Not really. I mean, that’s really what the book says it’s about but so far it’s about how her parents were from the Midwest but were kinda loopy and had very little discipline set up for their kids as near as I can tell. And it’s about how she went on a date and didn’t give the guy a blow job (I’m not really sure that’s a story that needs to be written. My guess is that thousands of high school first dates don’t end in blow jobs but not everybody writes books about them). It’s also about how she got knocked up and stole money from nuns to get an abortion which sort of makes me sick and isn’t something I’d be bragging about.

The entire book so far is just sort of this running commentary of a life that I think is the kind of life most of us would just as soon NOT tell everyone about but she felt the need and some publisher clearly thought the rest of us would fall down laughing about how she tried to force herself to be bisexual because she thought it should be the blanket human sexuality. I might have laughed if her forays into bi-curiousosity were remotely entertaining but they were simply strained and uneventful.

Normally I wouldn’t have brought this book up at all except that this morning as I was reading she began to talk about working for an Internet site back when the Internet was still somewhere exciting, y’know “before blogs”.

I can’t tell you how sick I am of hearing “writers” bitch about blogs. In fact I think I may have written about this once before, or maybe it was just that furious email I sent off to a local radio dufas who was complaining about it.

This broad got published so she thinks she’s a writer. She spent her college years getting pregnant and learning to be a pastry chef so that clearly qualifies her to write, as opposed to the rest of us who don’t have such strident training. I mean, JUST SHUT UP.

She talks occasionally in her book about how she would go to poetry readings and get up and read something she wrote, admittedly about pretty much nothing. I wonder if she ever realized that actual poets hated her for it, I mean, how dare she think she had the ability to stand up and say something in a public forum right? How dare we blog?

Eh, it just grates.

Let’s switch gears.

I know it hasn’t even aired yet, but the commercials have and I have to say something about it. Does anyone else think that the people who wrote Season One of CSI just woke up from a four year sleep like a fairy princess and tried to resume life as though they’d never closed their eyes?

I mean, I appreciate the effort, because the writing is fantastic, but they’re kind of forgetting where they’ve been and picking up where they wish they’d left off. Grissom telling Warrick that he’s the center or the heart or the whatever he’s going to say of the team? Is Warrick still on this show full time? Warrick hasn’t had a lick of meaningful interaction with anyone for years. I mean, I love him, and I think he’s kick ass, but other than a look here and there with Countess Titula our boy isn’t exactly holding everyone together.

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