2005-11-17 - 10:54 a.m.

oh good grief...

techno folk I need your help!

I haven't used my laptop in just past forever and I have this really bad habit of changing my password to log into windows every couple of weeks to suit my whims.

Yeah. I've forgotten my password.

Anybody know how to get around this? there has to be some sort of way right?

sheesh.

Welcome to Moron City, population: me.

In other news there are still an overwhelming amount of green crabs and I am still having lingering intestinal issues.

Also, I have this to say about last night's America's Next Top Model:

1. Bre you must be slaughtered. Seriously. I hate you with a white hot hatred saved normally only for McIntyres.

First let me clear something up for you girl, when you spend all of your time whispering and bitching to someone about how someone else is "ugly inside" and "always talking shit about other people" that is you, doing and being the exact same thing.

I KNOW, it's ironic huh?

Well, Alannis would think so anyway.

If you were truly upset with what Kim was doing and you were truly interested in helping her you would have gone to KIM (wow, I know this is a big concept for you small town mind) and discussed with her that it makes you uncomfortable how she talks about other people and makes you wonder what she says about you when you leave the room.

Instead you got your bitch on with Nik until Kim was the bigger woman and asked what your damage was at which point you lead a big "let's hate on Kim" party disguised as an intervention.

Trying to not allow Nicole to talk was a nice touch but I have never loved Kim more than when she called you out on how shady that was.

And while we're at it, can we discuss all the crap you've talked about other people?

Kettle. Pot. nuff said.

Additionally, I don't know if you promised that photographer some of your secret ANTM chocolate stash or what but that passport photo was friggin scary. I would have demanded a reshoot if it were mine.

All of that aside, it was kinda cute at first when you were trying to interview as so above it all because it was clearly such little girl bullshit, but now you're believing your own hype and if I have to sit through one more Yaya inspired interview piece where you flick your hand and look down at your nose at all of humanity- the great unwashed masses that aren't you...you by the way who had never been on a date with a guy who pulled out your chair until Tara whored you out...I mean, you've morphed into this Robin Yaya THING and we all know how well they both did.

Off with your head.

2. Kim: Thems girls just jealous, here, come lay your head on my chest. (Just between us though? The where's Waldo shirt needs to be burned).

3. Nik: Your entire face looks like a giant beesting and frankly I find you painful to look at. Please go home and put something on that. Also? When they tell you that they're shooting you every minute, and then show you candids where you look like a dog behind the scenes at a shoot? That's a clue to not sit around at a shoot looking like a dog.

4. Jayla: It's too late. We already hate you. Don't bother trying now. Also? Your pictures were so boring half of America fell asleep the second you showed on the screen.

5. Nicole: Donít make that face at Jay. When the shoot is over itís over. Youíre such a baby I could hit you in the face with a flat iron. If you canít get one good picture out of the same amount of shots as the other girls then you deserve to go home. Making a scene because Jay wonít let you shoot extraís proves you unready and childish. Shut up.

Also? You would do well to follow Tyra's great instructions to bring way more attitude because it's just not showing through, only be careful because the judeges think you have too much attitude and you should work on toning that down. Jebus why can't you people follow simple contradictions? Talk to Bre, she's got it down pat.

6. Jay: I love you. I love you even when you are wearing those ridiculously obvious outfits. I love you even though you were rocking the polyester pants my dad wore to parties in the 70ís. I loved you most when you were saying how Lisa comes off all ďcockeyedĒ and how our girlfriend Kim (if we all convert to Mormonism now Iím pretty sure theyíll let us all get married) is a SUPERMODEL or Top Model or whatever sweet thing you said about her.

Also Jay? Donít listen to those hateful girls who keep saying you need to button your shirts. They donít understand our special love.

7. Miss J.: Kim annoys you? Then God Bless Kim, because anyone who annoys a pigtail wearing man in his 40ís is okay in my book. Seriously Miss J. that hair ainít pretty, do something. And while youíre at it, maybe talk to Janice about renting her personality for a week. You want a British word to play with? Wanker. Itís all about you.


8. Twiggy: Seriously? SHUT UP. You havenít said one interesting thing all season. Go stand up real close to Bre, maybe I can get a two for one with the machete.

9. Tyra: Girl, you got too many issue and problems for me to tackle them all today but honest to fuck if you put that damn Jayla in the bottom two and get my hopes up again without take her out of the game Iím gonna post those pictures of you without your nasty ass weave eatin them twinkies. Donít think I wonít do it.

10. Lisa: Oh honey I will miss you. Sure Iíd do myself egregious bodily harm if I had to spend more than 30 seconds with you in real life but you did make for some great teevee. Itíll all be okay though. What you need is to just calm down. Calm down. Eat a cookie.

Oh, and the line of the night that made me both laugh out loud and shake my head in sadness? Tyra: you'll be back for more fierce next week. Or words to that effect. Seriously we need a new "fierce"

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