2003-11-19 - 3:42 p.m.

7. Kiss you should regret but don’t:

When I went along to try and answer these I made notes under each question so I’d remember whose stories I’d choose as a response. This question got the most notes. There are lots of kisses that I should regret. Kissing Joe (Mac, not the Evil Dr.) was a mistake I made over and over again, and it hurt lots of people and I know I should feel bad about it but damn it was worth it every single time.

Kissing (and junk) Don hurt plenty of people too, and maybe hurt us more than anyone else because there are few things more painful than letting yourself go too far with someone to whom you have a deep spiritual and emotional connection but that you cannot be with completely. I’ll never regret it though. Best worst thing I’ve ever done.

Might as well keep it in the family. Mark (brother of Don, not KOI Mark or Tea Mark). I don’t think I plan on taking that one any further.

Sean and Eric can be lumped together because the situation, while not the same, was similar. Instead of being the babysitter seducing the dad with these two I was the babysitter seducing the kids. Only not really. Not the way it sounds. I HAD babysat both of them, but with Sean it was more like I was babysitting his younger siblings because he was too old to require a babysitter but not old enough to be responsible for the little ones himself. And I didn’t kiss him (or do anything else with him) until he was 19, but there was heat between us when he was 12. Hard to explain, but it was there. I should probably feel bad about that, but I don’t. I never did anything in appropriate with him but we both just knew there was something there.

Eric is a slightly different case. Remember those kids whose dad I was crawling on? One of those kids (no, Eric isn’t one of those kids, how sick do you think..oh, never mind, don’t answer that) was Jimmy. Jimmy’s best friend from the age of probably 10 was Eric. I was used to Eric being around all the time, he lived right down the road. From the time Eric was about 14 til 16 though I didn’t see him anywhere ever. One afternoon Jimmy was going swimming in another of our neighbor’s pools and asked me to come. I did and he had some friend there who was SUPER hot. Amazing body, I mean, ripped, and deep brown eyes you could get lost in…oh, crap. Eric.

Eric flirted with me no mercy. I don’t know if it was that he could sense my reaction to him, though I certainly didn’t let it show consciously, or what, but he went from being a little boy I watched over to being this guy who would do anything he could to make me melt.

The problem with Eric, the thing that led to my not following my better judgment with Eric was that his mom kept pushing us together. Inadvertently of course. First, right after my “rediscovery” of him she brought him by the house after a hard day at football practice. I used to be known for giving pretty good massages (I’ve hung up my hands, shamed by the master). Debbie brought Eric to me and asked me to rub his back. Eric fought it at first, I’m one of those who believe in beating the muscle into submission, but seeing the caliber of his pain I promised to be gentle. He lay on my floor, I sat on his ass and began gently working on his well toned back. We’ll just leave it with the fact that he couldn’t roll over and face his mom for awhile, but his back felt better.

Eric has a little brother (not so little now) Adam (my adman…oh I’ll always love that boy) who had behavior issues growing up. Someone was always yelling at him (he once told a teacher that his name was “sonofabitchadam”) because he was always getting into some mischief. Whenever he’d get yelled at, or scolded or picked on by the bigger kids Adman would crawl directly into my lap, insert thumb in his mouth and fall asleep. Adam acted up on me only once and after that we had an understanding, I was his shelter, his protector, and he would never, ever step out of line with me. Shortly after the massage session Debbie and Adam visited me at work on a very hot day. They had a pool, I did not and Debbie said that I should stop by after work for a swim. I wouldn’t get out until late and didn’t want to wake anyone but Adam insisted he’d wait up and swim with me. He was so anxious and I’d spent so little time with him of late so I agreed. I went, we swam and he talked me into coming into the house for a game of cards. (I’m the only one who’ll still play spit with adam) We played a few rounds of spit but his loud glee at beating me woke his mom. Debbie and I chatted for a few minutes and then she told me about their newest pet. Eric had a python.

I love snakes. I told her I would love to meet the python. It was in Eric’s room and Eric had been in bed for hours (it was 2 am) but she insisted I go in and see it. INSISTED. It was like she knew and was all for it. Hey, y’know what, my hot son is sleeping right behind that door, while don’t you go grope around in the dark and pet his snake?

She practically forced me in, woke Eric and told him to show me the snake. SHE shut the door behind her, leaving me alone with Eric in his bedroom, the only light the one he switched on over the snake tank. He reached this from under his covers. Sleepily he pulled out the snake and handed her to me. I coo’d at it for a bit and then put it away so he could go back to sleep but Eric had other ideas. He pulled me down onto the bed next to him and asked me for another of those massages. He was sleeping naked. Best illicit 16 year old naked boy kiss with his mom in the next room waiting for me to get done petting her son’s snake EVER.

I got out of that room soon after that kiss, but nearly got myself into big trouble with that boy the following weekend…too bad this question isn’t about big trouble.

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