2006-01-09 - 3:56 p.m.

I'm writing too much.

there are new chapters to Fix if you're reading it.

Plus I've been prolific at my message board.

I suppose I could spend some of the time I use looking for new pictures of Ty Pennington in here, but then, where's the fun in that?

I was thinking though, about talking to you all about denial.

Why do people get so freaked out about change, about moving on?

I know only a very small amount of people who hang around with any of the people they did in high school.

Things change, people change, circumstances or opinions or interests serve to seperate us and put us together with more suitable groups. It is the natural order.

But some people cling so tight to the past.

One of the people I know that still hangs around with her friends from school is going to change her address, and then her life within the year. I have, in my own annoying way, made comment to the fact that this will likely be the demise of our friendship, or at least, our friendship in its current state.

Not because I won't still care about her if she moves away or marries. Because it's what happens. Life starts creeping in and you find what is really important. Making time for your family, yourself.

She got angry. Really angry. I tried to explain that it's just the way things go but she accused me of WANTING it to happen.

I don't get the anger.

It is what it is.

The funny thing is that I bet she and I do lose touch. I won't do a thing to make that happen, but I bet it will, but I'll bet you one thing further.

I bet she'll never lose touch with those friends from high school, or at least, not until she starts having kids.

This is something I don't understand.

I would slit my wrists rather than spend time with people from so long ago because I've moved on, grown, changed and I'm sure they have too. When I see any of them they feel like cookie cutter humans to me. What interesting things would we have to offer one another?

So either these folks who stay in touch with the high school friends have non cookie cutter friends who grew in the exact same way they did (which I find highly unlikely) or what?

They're afraid to let go? Afraid to be alone?

That's been my experience, overall, of people who hang on to others who no longer contribute to their lives. They are afraid of what they'll find if they let go and just be alone.

I don't resonate on that note. There are very few people I'm with, even when we're in the same room. I live so deep inside my own head that I find it almost impossible, harder every day, to connect outside of that.

When I do find someone I connect with, someone like Charley for instance, I find that no one around us can ever understand what's going on, and very few words are ever needed for us to communicate.

What a strange thing.

click here to add to the 4 comments so far

previous - next

about me - read my profile! Get your ow
n diary at DiaryLand.com! contact me older entries newest entry read other Diar
yLand diaries! recommend my diary to a friend! Get
 your own fun + free diary at DiaryLand.com!