2003-12-19 - 10:31 a.m.

Why do all of the wack jobs come work here?

There is this guy who "works" here...we need to find a good name for him...Vapid. Yes. That's the one.

Vapid came to work here in late september. He is a student, a freshman I believe. When he came in to set up a schedule with me it was one of those grueling conversations wherein you feel like Aston Kutcher (dropping name of cool hip young dude so I can keep my demographic nice and wide...if you're my age think Allan Fundt. The beauty of this is that I probably just screwed up both of their names and by now we don't even remember what I was saying.

Oh yes. The point would be that trying to set up a schedule with Captain Vapid was like being Punk'd or on Candid Camera, depending on how old you are.

He came in to set up a schedule, but never introduced himself, I had no idea who he was or what he wanted. He had no idea what his class schedule was or when he wanted to/was available to work.

Eventually we got him a schedule and sent him out the door. He showed up for the first scheduled day a little more than an hour early, made a phone call and then told me he had to leave early to pick up his dad.

Early meant 20 minutes after he got to work, still more than 40 minutes before he was scheduled to come in.

Okay. He's new, he'll work it out.

As he's leaving he drops by the office and asks "So when do I come back?"

The schedule I had worked out with him had him working every day from 3-6. It's monday. It's the last week of September.

I say "Well, when do you want to come back?

And he looks at the calendar on my desk and says "Halloween is a holiday right?"

I swear to you.

That was his response.

Right then I knew it was pretty much hopeless, but as you know I am a kind and gentle soul (SHUT UP YOU FUCKWAD, I AM SO)and so I suggest gently that he might want to come in again that very same week, rather than thinking about a holiday, which by the way is not a closing holiday, that is a month away.

He goes "oh.....right."

So we begin again. "So when do you want to come in?"

He stares at me blankly as if I had just dropped from the sky in front of him as he was preparing a ham and cheese sandwich in the privacy of his own kitchen.

I make a suggestion. Why don't you come in tomorrow?


"Uh......what time?"

Well, we decided that you'd come in from 3-6 so why don't we give that a try?

"Hmmmmm.....yeah. Cool."

And Capt'n Vapid is gone in a flash that took no more than 30 years to walk out the door.

Now we won't go into the fact that when I'm showing how to do things he walks directly on my heels as if I might suddenly vaporize if not within breathing distance. We won't talk about how the simplest things need the most detailed instructions. We're sticking strictly to scheduling stuff here.

The next day our beloved Vapid One arrives at 1:12. We know this because he signs in...a little sheet where they write down their hours. 1:12. Not 1:10 or 1:15. No. 1:12.

I say "You're early."

He cleverly retorts, "Huh? Oh. Yeah."

and then makes a phone call.

One half hour later he is telling Dobie that he has to leave because he has a boy scout meeting tonight.

And so it goes in the saga of the vapid. Every time he leaves he asks when he should return until finally, somwhere in early november we decide that he should show up every tuesday and thursday at 1 and work until at least 5. The first time he leaves before 5 or arrives after 1 he will be dismissed from this very highly sought after job.

And he sticks to this schedule faithfully for 2 weeks.

And then he calls one fateful morning to inform me that he has gotten into a car accident and will not be in today.

And that is the last we hear from him.

It is now December 19th. At least a month since he called in for the day.

He called me this morning to let me know that he will NOT be working over the break because the long drive from Dracut would be too much if he isn't going to school (p.s. he lives less than 10 minutes from me).

Well, thank goodness he told us he wasn't going to be here. I mean, how would we have made it through the holidays, or indeed started a new year without knowing exactly what the Vapid One had in mind?

But rest easy my friends, he informed me that he does intend on working again next semester.

See Katie,things still get SQUEEEEEKY over here too.

click here to add to the 5 comments so far

previous - next

about me - read my profile! Get your ow
n diary at DiaryLand.com! contact me older entries newest entry read other Diar
yLand diaries! recommend my diary to a friend! Get
 your own fun + free diary at DiaryLand.com!