2003-04-28 - 5:41 p.m.

Tara is at the other computer. In the other room. She has the cd on that computer turned up so loud I can not hear Cher on my own.

It's okay. I turn Cher off and listen to her homemade cd, a mix of country songs I enjoy.

Unfortunately she is also playing some gawd awful video game and the noises from this are annoying and competing with the country songs.

I go out to see if we can turn the sound off the game. She sees me coming out and looks up expectantly.

Tara's spent some time with me out on the pier today, trying to make me laugh while I sobbed.

There is more going on today than most of you know. It has to do with the stuff I can't say here. It is not good.

At any rate, just as I start to ask Tara about turning down the sound of the game so we can concentrate on the music she reaches to turn the music off entirely.

I think she is confused by my request, but no. The next song on the cd is Breath. Faith Hill

I tell her to leave it. She says "but you'll cry."

I say leave it. I close my eyes and I remember every single second of that song.

Every single painful step of that dance, every breeze that blew through our hair, the scent of the sea on the air and I remember Nick. I remember the way his arms felt around me, I remember exactly where he caressed me and with what pressure. I remember his cheek against mine and his breath in my ear and I remember like he was saying them now the words he whispered in my ear when the song ended.

And yeah, I cry.

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