2004-03-25 - 1:21 p.m.

I love you goodbye.

Such a theme.

Last night it made me think of Joe and J as much as Matt.

Two nights ago I was looking at some photos trying to find some for the Evil Dr. who is putting together a wedding gift for some people that...well that I used to be friends with and now...not.

As I went through the photos in that album I found quite a few pictures of Matthew. I was fascinated by the way he looked in photos taken by me as opposed to photos taken by other people. He looked at me differently.

Looking at those pictures felt like looking at someone elses memories. Like I knew the girl he was looking at, I was standing beside her when the photo was taken, but I couldn't remember it as being her, being me. I remember so many things about my time with matt but when I look at him, looking at me...I don't know how to say it any plainer, it's not me. I don't even know that girl. I used to know her, but I can't believe I ever WAS her.

I wish she'd have stuck around. She was much more fun. She was more open and free.

It was shocking to look at, to realize I remember it, but I don't remember it as mine.

Such a strange sensation. Has anyone else ever felt something like this?

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