2004-05-26 - 12:03 p.m.

Two things.

I'd really love to go on a huge rant right now but I sort of feel like I can't.

Anyway, thing one is a small one-I say it all the time how I hate the lack of feedback but this is getting insane. Either I've gone horribly wrong in my story telling or...oh, I don't know what the or would be.

Not one comment on Chapter 5. Not here, not at the message board. The amount of people who logged on yesterday to read it was HUGE, not to mention some stuck around to read about 50 other pages in my diary and yet, not a single comment. We're talking in the hundreds of people who read it and in response I effectively hear crickets.

It's okay.


It would be the thing that least has my Irish up today.

What has me the most angry and frustrated is this...

Recently at work there have been some...issues... concerning a few other people. The issues were not technically my business but were dropped in my lap and because of my position I felt I had no choice but than to speak to my supervisor who is also the supervisor, more or less, of the person or persons involved.

For the purpose of clarity we will call the person at the center of this, the person who did the thing or things that were unacceptable Person X.

If the behavior of Person X happened again I would be as much to blame as anyone because I knew it had been happening and didn't say or do anything to stop it.

I spoke to everyone involved and then went to the supervisor. No one was blindsided, although person X has not been spoken to by anyone yet, at least as far as I know.

Everyone who spoke to me had alot to say about the person X and not much of it was postitive. Only the person who initiated the conversation in the begining was slightly positive and I find that more a trait of her personality than any real positivity about person x. She didn't want anyone in trouble, she just wanted everyone to do their job.

When I spoke to some people about Person X they responded with venom and anger about how they were treated. When I spoke to others they cried about how unfair their situation was due to Person X and they way the did their job.

So when I spoke to my supervisor I was honest about the feedback I got and encouraged him to speak directly to the people who had spoken to me. I did not want to be in the middle and did NOT want to be the squeaky wheel because other than hearing other people bitch about it,it doesn't affect my day.

Here's the thing though, I get really pissed off when people like Person X are allowed to just do whatever they f'ing well please because no one else has the balls to speak up and insite a change.

If you don't like the way things are then do something about it. I've handed you an opportunity. I took that first step of looking like the bitch who couldn't keep her mouth shut. It looks bad for me because Person X may indirectly stop me from getting a "promotion" of sorts that I was promised and it looks like I'm just trying to stir shit about her. So I look like an ass because I want life to be better for the people who have to deal with Person X every day. I want someone to hold Person X accountable.

Supervisor (The KOI for those of you with the trading cards) speaks to a number of the people I've spoken to, including the person who came to me.

I had spoken to him with exreme candor but now, when I ask him how his conversations went I get very little in return beyond this:

"Well, I spoke to everyone and while there's certainly a few things that need talking about I'd say alot of things got blown out of proportion when you relayed them to me so I'm glad I spoke to people directly."


Everyone said, oh, it wasn't so bad, it wasn't the right thing to do, but what can you do,it's no big deal.

Then he thought...hey, excellent. No one will push this, no one gives an ass if people completely break the law or misuse other people. No one cares that tax payers are paying for complete misuse of time so great, I don't have to deal with it because I'm scared of Person X and don't know how to have conflict.

So I once again, because I cared enough to put myself in the position of tilting at windmills, end up looking like an ass.

I would love to say that I won't do it again. I know that's not true. I will stand up for what I believe is right and I will defend people that I think are being wronged.

Will I do it for this particular set of people again?

Don't bet on it.

It goes back to what the KOI said about me not fighting with him. Everyone wants to see me fight the fight, but no one wants to stand next to me and take the risk. So eventually I just walk away and say fuck it. You wanted this. You must fucking love doing your job and someone elses. Maybe you want to feel important or maybe you have the desperate need to go home thinking you helped someone above and beyond the call...I don't know, but whatever compells you to continue to put up with the shit just live with it because I'll be damned if I'm going to stand up and say it's wrong so that you can sit down and say it's okay.

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