2004-04-29 - 1:44 p.m.

A word, planet, in your shell like ear.



First of all, why does everyone insist on driving like an asshole?

Yesterday, and I'm still burned about this, the woman in the car in front of me was riding well up the ass of the car in front of her. The car in front of her was driving the speed limit.

The reason the car in front of her was driving the speed limit was because they had a car in front of them drving the speed limit.

Okay, we all know that NO ONE drives the speed limit, but don't harass the person in front of YOU because the person in front of THEM isn't playing by the unwritten rules.

So this pisses me off, but I stay well back because I don't want to be part of the chain of evil.

Then the first two cars go straight and the bitch and I turn off. The bitch then begins to drive BELOW the FUCKING SPEED LIMIT.

For miles and miles.

I do not ride her ass, though I want to, desperately. I stay back and sing along to Melissa Ethridge.

After 20 minutes of this we get to a place where the road becomes two lanes for a period of time. I stay behind her. I am NOT going to be a BITCH.

She begins to change lanes into the slower lane and at that point I increase my speed. She sees this and FLIES back into my lane causing me to slam on my brakes.

Now I'm pissed off so I begin to try to pass her on the other side at which point she makes the wise decision to ride the exact middle of the two lanes for the remainder of the two lane space.

When it returns to one lane she drives very quickly up the ass of the car in front of her. This car is going slowly to leave room between it and the truck it's following which is carrying wood. Untethered down wood, wood that looks ready to fly off the back of the truck and kill us all.

Bitch doesn't care. She is up the other guy's ass again and now I'm sick of her shit.

Middle guy pulls off and I stay so close up her ass she is forced to tailgate the dangerous wood truck, just as she had forced car before her to do.

Only now she's slamming on her brakes every three seconds to piss me off and giving me the finger to which I reply with a blown kiss.

She finally pulled off when I pulled out my cell phone and began giving her licence plate number to the police dispatch.

So, yeah. Fuck off.

Also, and there are LOTS of specifics here that maybe we'll talk about later and maybe we won't, let me say this to the planet in general:

Just because you have your head up your ass doesn't mean I have to wipe the shit off your ears.

This is the less kind and gentle version of lack of planning on your part does NOT constitute an emergency on my part.

This is work stuff, and home stuff.

Also, seriously? I am NOT Dobie's fucking keeper and the KOI know's his fucking number so when Dobie does not do what the KOI has asked me to ask him to do why the fuck am I getting phone calls bitching me out that the KOI doesn't have what he's been asking for.

Guess what- call dobie and ask him for it dumbass. Do not lose your temper with me for something I have no control over.

His answer "Dobie never answers his phone."

Leave him a voice mail. That's how I got it, voice mail.

His answer "Dobie never checks voice mail, if you aren't there voice mail never get's picked up."

So wait, the take home message here is that if I don't want to do anything you want me to do all I have to do is just stop answering the phone and the voice mail and then you'll find someone else to yell at?


We have a new plan kids.

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