2004-06-01 - 4:31 p.m.

Mark's birthday is coming up.

Uh, way too many Mark's now.

The Mark we want to see in his underwear (or out of it).

There is to be a party.

I am invited.

Mark misses me.

A certain someone in my life wants us to go. Jordan wants all of us to go.

I can't face him, and he'll of course be there because after all, Mark's his brother.

So we started a little email conversation. He doesn't want me not to go because of "us" even though he's not really sure he can handle seeing me either. His wife certainly doesn't want to see me even though in a completely out of character move a certain someone really wants to see him.

He told me how he's been keeping busy lately but that:

"It's hard. I work hard so that I don't think, but then I get so exhausted that my mind slips off it's leash and then I have no hope. It's difficult to balance. Impossible to balance really when half of you, the far better half of you, is missing, far away and every day the hope that you'll be whole get's a little more dim."

Yup. That's what I need.

Do I have a sign on me somewhere that says "Please emotionally devastate me every now and again, just because you can?"

I do?

Would you yank it off there please?

Oh, and then this, about the suicide attempt:

"I'm sorry. Because I know, after Joe, what you must be thinking, but this won't be like that and now she'll get the help she needs. Give her my love, and let her know how sorry I am that I can't be there to hold you both safely in my arms."

Who says that? Who talks like that? Who on earth would I put up with that from if not from him?

Also, Jordan, thank you, again, for not forgetting. It's difficult but it's sweet and I'll always love you for how you always make sure.

click here to add to the 0 comments so far

previous - next

about me - read my profile! Get your ow
n diary at DiaryLand.com! contact me older entries newest entry read other Diar
yLand diaries! recommend my diary to a friend! Get
 your own fun + free diary at DiaryLand.com!