2007-03-07 - 1:33 p.m.

Wendiloo and I stayed out of jail last night, and even more impressive than that, we were surrounded by Avalanche fans. The guy I was sitting next to was in town on business (we didn't ask) from Minnisota (I think, I don't really listen when other people talk) and was a riot.

He even gave us each a shiny dime. For no good reason.

I don't really go out all that much anymore. I find that I don't like people that I don't know even in small doses so throwing myself into a big group of them seems counterindicative. Last night went a long way to change how I feel about that. I enjoyed the crowd, I enjoyed the game, the Av's won which was a plus where we were sitting and even though I feel twice as sick today as I did when I went to the doc on monday I'm glad I went.

It did remind me why I get so frustrated when I go to hockey games though. Sometimes it really feels like you need to go onto the ice and explain the game to the players.

Look, this thing? This little black thingy right here? This is the PUCK. Having the puck is good. You want to have the puck. When you have the puck you want to keep the puck until you can put it in that pretty thing over there. That's a net. If you don't think you can handle putting the nifty puck in the pretty net here is what you do.

LOOK at the COLOR of the shirt you have on. Look quickly because other people know the secret of the puck and they want to steal it. SEE the COLOR of your shirt? Find someone with the SAME color shirt and give the puck to them.

Yes, I know the dude in the other color shirt looks like a nice guy. Yeah, I know he's trying to get the puck, but you need to give it to a SAME color guy.

I know it's scary, I do, but the answer to having the puck is NOT shoving the puck as far away from you, someone of the same color shirt as you and the goal you are shooting at.

Standing halfway across the ice and slinging the puck behind the goal you're supposed to shoot into? Counterproductive.

See that dude sitting in the front of the net? He's going to scurry back there, get the puck and give it to a guy wearing his color. I swear he'll do it.
I've seen him do it before.

And a special note to goalies. One I've made before and Wendi for some reason gets mad at me for making but I'm gonna say it again anyway.

Hey Goalies-the job definition is right in the name. Stay in the fucking goal!
It's not that tough of a job. You have like a 3 foot area of ice. Stay there. Don't wander off for a soda, don't try to be the hero and score a goal, just sit in the crease and when the puck comes at you stop it. Then do that thing where you look at your shirt as outlined above.

Okay, I'm done. Tomorrow maybe we'll learn to brush our teeth or something.

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