2006-08-30 - 12:52 p.m.

I think today we'll do more tv talk.

You might think from my recent posts that nothing is really going on in my actual life but that's not really true. Something is going on but I'm not really ready to talk about it yet.

That seems weird coming from me because I talk about everything and I have actually talked about this with my best friend and my family but beyond that I'm keeping it close for now.

Probably I'm making a bigger deal of it than it has to be but for now we're leaving it out of the public realm.

Anyway, in tv news:

I'm gearing up in a big way for the season premiere of NCIS on Sept. 19th. I wrote the date on my calendar yesterday and everyone at work had a mild freak out. Apparently not everyone takes the time to make notes about their tv viewing.

Last fall my viewing schedule was so complex I actually had to make a grid like tv guide does for each day so I'd know what I was watching when and what I was taping.

I'm completely freaking out that I might miss Stand Off's big premiere next Tuesday. I've liked Ron Livingston since he was Berger on Sex In The City but he just seems even more hot now as a hostage negotiator.

I hadn't even thought about CSI except to tell Marg to "shut up" every time her CBS Cares thingy came on but then Radio Vixen mentioned in comments the other day that because CSI is dedicated to bringing us quality entertainment Britney's babydaddy is going to make an appearance this year. The only way that would make me come back to CSI is if Federline comes in, knocks up Catherine and then Britney shows up and kills all three of them leaving Sara to kick at Catherine's corpse and mutter something about Catherine being a slut.

I'd watch that.

As if I weren't already convinced that CSI is not going to be my top tv priority this fall I also found out that Billy Petersen has shaved the beard.

I didn't even put up with that from my own personal Bugman, what makes you think you can get away with it? With the straw hats and the Hawaiian shirts, it's almost as if he WANTS me to vomit bile whenever he's on the screen.

I have fear though. My beautiful beloved Mark Harmon has been running around H'wood with a rather large white moustache. I am normally in favor of facial hair, I am always in favor of scruff and almost always of beards but a moustache on it's own always makes you look sleazy.

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Did we learn nothing from George Eads and Pornstachegate?

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I can almost deal with Harmon's stache though because I figure maybe some scruff will join it, maybe it will be a part of the whole, Gibbs- hey I've been living on the beach for the summer I'm not an agent anymore- thing that will get shaved (God willing ON CAMERA) when he comes to his senses and gets back behind his desk.

I did leave someone out of my list yesterday of the 25 fictional characters that I wish were real. Barney from How I Met Your Mother. First of all, it's almost enough that Neil Patrick Harris is real because he's so fantastic but to have a full on Barney running around? Rock on!

oooh, that brings me to my list of reasons why Dr. Will Kirby from Big Brother should marry me:

1. We're both in love with Neil Patrick Harris.

2. We both love Mike's Hard Lemonade

3. Will loves Shrinky Dinks...I don't even think you need a better reason than a mutual love of shrinky dinks.

4. Will is evil.

5. Together we could rule the world.

6. I would still sleep with him even after he has worn a "mandana" and used the word "showmance" on television.

7. I love him almost as much as he does.

8. Rather than getting jealous when he flirts with other girls to get his way like his current g/f I would double the flirting power and sweep her off her feet.

I'm still compiling the list but I think those are already some pretty stellar reasons.

Lemmee see...other tv stuff I'm looking forward to this fall?

Dancing with the Stars is providing worrysome "stars". I don't want to see Jerry Springer try to pretend that he's in any way likable, but mostly I'm scared that I'll develop a big crush on Joey Lawrence if he pulls out a decent mambo.

I don't give a rats booty...oh, wait, we interupt this rant for a different rant.

I would like to formally berate Mike whateverhislastnameis from Big Brother for being a disgusting ball of sewer sludge who can't even PRETEND to like girls long enough to get Erika (the worlds saddest loser hanger on girl) to do his bidding. I will never forgive you Mike for adopting the nickname "Boogie" because I can never again use the phrase "Put a little boogie in your booty" without gagging.

Now back to our regularly scheduled rant:

I don't give a rat's booty about the way they've divded the tribes on Survivor this year. I'll still watch because it will always be good times to watch Jeff Probst sit around all showered and well rested smelling of cheese and beer while a bunch of fame hungry idiots rot in their own filth and assasinate each others characters for a bite of rice.

People who are upset about the race thing are freaks to me. I know the current societal thinking is to pretend that we're all one big race but that just isn't true. Race is like breeds. The fact that one dog is a poodle and another is a jack russel terrier is not a fucking value judgement, it is just a statement of fact. If I were running a contest with dogs to see who could outwit and outlast I would separate the packs by breed.

Now everyone is going to tell me people aren't dogs. You won't win that arguement with me. A mammal is a mammal. You're a chimp, who gives a shit? The only difference is that animals have more important things to do with their time than diary about reality tv. They're better than me. I've come to terms with it.

My dog has the high moral ground and I'm okay with that.

OOOh, Amazing Race will start at some point too! I look forward to the Amazing Race like it's my next meal.

America's Next Top Model should be good this year because so far it looks like all of the models take themselves pretty seriously which = lots of opportunities for them to look like idiots which = hilarity in my book.

Alright, with all of that said (oh God I'm turning into Janelle) I'm going to go watch the clock and wish it was thursday so we could get on with the Big Brother double eviction.

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