2006-07-18 - 1:57 p.m.

I’m really not feeling this hot weather we’re having. Or rather, I am really feeling this hot weather we’re having but it blows. Well, not so much blows because that would imply some sort of air mass movement that might possibly cool you which is not at all what is happening.

I think what I’m trying to say is that this sucks.

Or I suck. I suck and suck at the air around me but there’s next to no oxygen in it. I tend to wheeze when I’m not feeling well but have never been diagnosed as asthmatic (though I was given an inhaler once by a doctor at school, with no prescription for a refill and no instructions on how or when to use it). This past weekend I was barely able to breathe.

(Note: I actually got a little thrill when my tv news boyfriend said last night that he couldn’t breathe because of this weather. Yes, I am that pathetic, you can all feel better about yourselves now, I give you permission.)

I haven’t slept in days. I take that back. I slept this morning, from 6:15ishAM until 7:30 AM when my aunt called to tell me she STILL had no electricity.

Mind you she called me and told me this at 8:40PM last night. When I didn’t hear back from her I assumed the power came back on in no time. Wrong. Did she call me at 10PM and say, hey, maybe I’ve blown a fuse, or maybe you could come and take the contents of my freezer (enough to feed Brazil for a good 6 months even though she’s over 80, eats like a bird and lives alone on deli meat that she refuses to freeze) over to your place and keep it in your (empty even though I do not live alone am only half of 80 and eat…well, like some other animal that eats considerably more than a bird and may possibly have been heard to utter the phrase “oink” occasionally) freezer? Nope. She didn’t call me and say any of that.

What she did do was call at 7:30 in the A of the M which anyone who knows me knows is pretty much asking to be hacked into small bits and fed to the squirrels in my back yard.

She called and said, “Oomm - Guess what? I still have no electricity. I wonder if I’ve blown a fuse.”

To which I sweetly replied, “What the hell am I supposed to do about that now?” because

A. It’s 7:30 in the morning.

B. I’m sleep deprived.

C. I wouldn’t know how to find her fuse box.

D. I have no idea how to tell if a fuse is blown.

E. That’s why there are boys.

So I say, “That’s Uncle Bob’s department.” To which she replies, “Oh. I thought I called Uncle Bob.”

Meaning that when she called MY house, heard MY voice on the answering machine saying that it was MY house and then said “OOMM ARE YOU THERE? ARE YOU THERE OOMM? OOMM? OOMM!! OOMM? OOMMMM????? Oomm? Ooooommm?” Until I realized that it was not in fact a nightmare that a family member needed killing but an actual family member that needed killing and answered the phone and she heard my voice and said “Oomm…” and thought that she was calling her brother Bob.

See she thinks she’s cute with these antics. She knows that they piss me off so she pulls crap like this pretty much daily. What she isn’t going to think is so cute is when I take her to her doctors appointment next week and I insist that she be tested to see if she’s mentally stable enough to continue to live on her own or whether we should put her in a home. Also, she’s gonna think that whole “I can’t go up and down one step to do anything for myself go do it for me” game is real special when I also insist that she get some physical therapy.

Now before you all comment about how evil I am to the old lady understand this, there is NOTHING wrong with her. When she’s around other people she flies up and down flights of stairs, she remembers everything she’s told, thinks for herself, everything. It’s that she likes making me crazy.

Instead of calling my uncle and making him go over there for nothing I call the electric company (something she could have EASILY done herself) and find out that her entire area is without power because of some downed lines and will be until around noon.

I call her back to tell her this. Do I get a thank you for dragging my ass out of bed to make a phone call she could and should have made herself?

Nope. I get this.

“Noontime?!!! It’s been out since 20 minutes of 9 last night. I can’t wait until noon time!”

Oh. See, I wasn’t aware that you couldn’t wait. I thought you could. I thought you were reliving your youthful days of sitting around a candle listening to Pa tell stories about workin at the mill. I got you confused with Laura Ingells for a moment there. I’ll tell you what I’ll do. Let me just twitch my nose and get the electricity right back on for you.

Huh. (Hey Brock don’t read this part) Look at that. Apparently I’m no more Samantha than you are Laura. Guess you’ll have to wait until noon. Unless you expect me to run out and fix those downed power lines right quick before work.

I didn’t say that last bit; she would have expected to see me on the post in front of her house with a hard hat and some wire cutters.

She can wait. I told her we’re throwing away everything in her freezer so she better not get any funny ideas about cooking a pot roast or 12 this afternoon. It isn’t like she can’t run her air conditioner- she won’t have one. It’s not as though she’s missing on running the fans, she refuses to use them they make her too cold. She rarely watches tv, she listens to her battery radio and almost never turns on a light so I don’t know how she even knew she didn’t have electricity.

Anyway now I’m at work. I brought the dog with me because it's much too hot to leave him home.

Hmmm. My keyboard is squeaking. I wonder if the mouse the cat was chasing in the kitchen last night followed me to work.

Oh that’s right. There’s a mouse in my kitchen. I didn’t even get to that part.

And did I mention the KOI is on his way here for the afternoon?

Try not to be jealous of my glam life.

click here to add to the 5 comments so far

previous - next

about me - read my profile! Get your ow
n diary at DiaryLand.com! contact me older entries newest entry read other Diar
yLand diaries! recommend my diary to a friend! Get
 your own fun + free diary at DiaryLand.com!