2006-05-30 - 3:17 p.m.
Slowly I am losing all touch with reality and to be completely honest I don't miss it very much.
I used to go out at least one night a week with friends but now even when I have the opportunity I try to I avoid it if I can.
I've been seeing more of the Bug and I get physically ill when I think about that because when we're together it's SO good, and no, I don't mean that sexually, I mean, it's just good, to be around him, to be...nevermind, I don't want to talk about it. That's the thing, it's good when I'm there, but when I'm not I don't want anything to do with it.
Or anything else.
I don't want to go out. I don't want to talk on the phone, or online. I don't want to instant message, I don't want to email, I don't want to interact in any way.
I don't want to write in my diary, and lately I don't even want to work on my fanfic.
I barely visit my message boards and when I do it's more out of a sense of obligation because people have made me videos at two of them and I like to keep up with the ARF stuff at another.
I don't care what music is on the radio, I won't be bothered to put in a cd.
I'm enjoying my work, I did major work on my room last night, even though it looks exactly the same as it did before I started.
Over the last three days I watched 12 episodes of NCIS. Most of them between the hours of 2 and 5 AM. I'm almost at the point where I don't even want to do that anymore, but not quite.
Special Agent Gibbs has me hostage.
I swore I'd finish Richard's afghan this weekend and never touched it.
I couldn't sleep last night at all.
I feel like I can't see past my eyelids and all I hear is screaming in my head.
If you're waiting for a point you're wasting your time, or I'm wasting your time, I suppose, because I don't have one.
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