2006-05-03 - 1:29 p.m.


Forty Years on the planet as of today, you'd think I'd have something to say.

Just goes to show.

Well I do have this to say, I have the most wonderful friends and you all spoil me, even when I'm completely terrible and miss your birthdays and in some cases have your birthday presents still sitting under my bed (Crate).

I was going to take pictures of a bunch of the cool stuff I got but I'm feeling sluggish today so maybe tomorrow, even though I brought it all with me today.

A big thank you to Crate who brightened my day last Saturday by being the first to send me a birthday gift. (Edward Gorey books make me a happy happy girl!)

E-Beth in keeping with the happy girl theme sent me The HEadless Bust by Gorey (the bug in that book is one of my favorite things!) as well as a very cool book that Crate told me about a few weeks ago. It nearly killed me to come to work today because I just wanted to sit around reading it. I'll tell you more about that book tomorrow because I want to read a little first and then tell you about it.

E-beth's stuff came yesterday, just in time because Wendiloo came over last night to celebrate my birthday and spoil me 8 kindsa rotten, like she always does.

Wendiloo got me cool stuff, funny stuff, happy bunny stuff that made me feel old cause I couldnt' figure out how to use it, an OSCAR THE GROUCH CARD!!!! and one totally beautiful necklace.

The necklace has a red stone, a green stone and a dark blue stone. She explained that the red is for 40, the green is my birthstone and the blue is my astrological stone. I was touched, seriously, I know I'm captain sarcastic, but this was the most thoughtful gift. I'll always look at it and know exactly how much thought went into chosing it.

I truly love that necklace.

My mom decided she might as well give me her stuff too. I had chosen three shirts this weekend while we were out shopping and then she gave me a card and money because she can't see, or hear, or get out without me so getting me much is difficult.

I've had many happy birthday messages online, in person and on the phone today but my favorite was from my mom.

I left in a hurry and she was busy when I did. She didn't even get a chance to say happy birthday.

When I got to work I realized my phone was off. I turned it on and found a voice mail from my mom, who NEVER leaves voice mail, singing happy birthday.

She turns 80 this year. Tell me this isn't a voice mail you save forever.

The (not really all that evil in the end) Dr. Joe just came in and gave me a twix bar. Yay twix!

I didn't expect to feel old today. I didn't expect to feel nostalgic today. I didn't expect to feel loss today.

When I was in my late twenties I had a friend who turned 40. She did it with a complete lack of grace. She bitched and moaned. Her husband and children threw her a huge party with lots of friends and all she could do was complain that she didn't want to celebrate being old.

I swore I wouldn't be that way on my 40th.

I have no husband, I have no biological children, and my group of friends is a small but wonderful one.

I will not refuse to celebrate, or respond unkindly when people want to tell me how their lives didn't begin until 40, but now, I understand how she felt.

All in all today, for no reason I can analyze, I feel the overwhelming urge to sit in the bathroom and cry.

It's probably menopause.

Or dementia.

Or maybe I just need a martini.

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