2005-04-08 - 3:47 p.m.

The state of my marriage (with no appologies at all to the Dixie Chicks who never should have fucked with Toby Keith)

Supermom and OOMM were the best of friends
All through their diaryland days
Both members of the “I hate my job” club
Both hiding in the café
After her last postin Supermom went out lookin’
For some cake or crumbs
OOMM looked all around this town
And all she found was Schnookums

Well it wasn’t one week
After she got married that
OOMM started gettin’ left in the clink
She put on perfume and body lotion
And f’breeze to cover the stink
Well she finally got the nerve to file for divorce
Sleepin by the cat box had pushed her to the brink
But Schnookums walked right through that restraining order
And put took away her donut and drink (not to mention the cheese)

Right away Supermom flew in from McHenry
On a red eye midnight flight
She held OOMM’s hand as they
Worked out a plan
And it didn’t take long to decide

That Schnookums had to die
Goodbye Schnookums
Those donuts and cheese
They tasted all right to me Schnookums
You’re feeling weak
Why don’t you lay down
And sleep Schnookums Ain’t it dark
Wrapped up in that tarp Schnookums

The croc's came to bring Schnookums in
They searched the house
High and low
Then they tipped their hats
And said ’thank you ladies
If you hear from him let us know’

Well the weeks went by and
Spring turned to summer
And summer faded into fall
And it turns out he was a missing person
Who nobody missed al all

So the girls bought some land
And a roadside stand
Out on highway 128
They sell tennessee ham
And strawberry jam
And they don’t
Lose any sleep at night ’cause

Schnookums had to die
Goodbye Schnookums
We need a break
Let’s go out to the lake Schnookums
We’ll pack a lunch
And stuff you in the trunk Schnookums
Well is that all right
Good let’s go for a ride
Schnookums hey

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