2003-10-29 - 1:37 p.m.

I finished decorating at work today. I'd take pictures for you but the camera is in my car and I'm too damn lazy.

For friday. It'll be our halloween edition.

I've thought about making Ben the halloween hottie but I'm not really sure I can do it. It's a terrible thing to say but I don't really miss him or think about him much until our anniversary comes around, or until our song is on the radio or something. There has to be a trigger, I never just out of the blue think of him and miss him.

I wonder whether it's because we really weren't meant to be, or if it's self preservation because thinking about what would have been if he hadn't been killed would put me in a permanent fetal position? I guess it doesn't matter does it. He's gone and I'm not in a sanitarium because of it and it's probably best to just leave well enough alone.

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