2003-04-30 - 12:29 p.m.

So what is there to say about today?

Not alot actually.

I'm still sick, it's not so bad really, a mildly sore throat and scratchiness, with a little dizzy thrown in for good measure. It's not this that's bugging me, it's having seen where this is headed and knowing it will get worse just in time for the Cher concert friday night that's got me aggrivated.

Ah well, into every life a little rain must fall right?

I had a very interesting dream last night. I can account for where most of the images came from but there's this one part I can't figure out.

Okay, I dream that I am in this trailer sort of thing sitting on a floor watching old Duran video clips with Nick and although I know that I know him, it's not the close relationship we have, it's more like, I'm someone who has met/interviewed him before but now I have this really laid back setting to just ask him whatever I want. I know where all of this comes from, I was reading some fan boards yesterday...anyway, this part is all good ...

Actually, let me break before I get to the part I didn't understand to say this. The funny thing about the video clips we were watching was that they were actual things that I know are on video, whether I have them, or was there when they were filmed or whatever, but in EVERY scene but one it was Nick on the screen but doing things and saying things that in actual fact were what Charley said and did.

Anyway, so Nick lie's on his belly on the floor, facing away from me, watching the tv and he turns back to me with this smirky face and starts moving his mouth with the line on the tv, only his voice is coming out like Charley's, like he's in on the joke that it shouldn't be him on the screen. So I turn to (here's where it got weird for me) DEIRDRE who's sitting beside me on the floor and I ask her if she saw what Nick did.

She didn't see it, she is bored, she hates Duran Duran and just wants this done already so we can go somewhere and have a drink. Only I want to see him do it again, so I wiggle down to Nick and make him do it again so Deirdre can see. He does, only he crawls toward D on the floor, effectively crawling OVER me and from there it took a very different feel which I'm sure you will all appreciate me NOT detailing.

After all of the undetailed bits I find myself sitting alone with Deirdre in the same trailor, Nick having gone off whereever and I am telling Deirdre that I knew that doing what we had just done in front of her had made her uncomfortable but that I couldn't resist him.

And I woke up with two feelings, one being the happiness of the whole Nick undetailed bits but the overwhelming one being the smug happiness of having made Deirdre sit through that and be uncomforatble with it and basically annoying the piss out of her.

Where did that come from? Is my subconscious trying to tell me that I have unresolved anger or whatever about her? It would have to be buried pretty deep because I don't think about her at all, and certainly not in the context of throwing Nick in her face. She never hated Duran, she was always actually interested in a way, in the exact same way she was interested in the way I spoke about the people at work. It was never anything more or anything less.

I had been dreaming about her, or her family frequently before this whole Nick thing came back into my life (you like being called a whole Nick thing?) but it was always sort of...more like i was hurting her family by not paying attention to them, never really directly about her. And I do have some guilt about never having made it back to her grandmother's house over the winter but beyond that...nothing really.

Hm. So that little dream is really the most interesting thing I have going on at the moment. Unless you count that I finally just bought the Rio cd and remembered why I hadn't bothered before. I mean, there are a few gems (Lonely in your Nightmare...mmmm and of course the Chauffer) but really, having to hit those other two damn songs again and again just makes me want to kill myself.

I'll tell you something I find interesting, I've heard those two damn songs so many times over the past umpteen years that I barely hear them when they play anymore, but when I heard them for the first time today ON the cd (I had to backspace from typing album...) I was kind of taken aback by how different Charley's voice sounds. I had forgotten, and now I know just what Nick meant by that choirboy thing. Wow, it's so completely different than I'm used to hearing it. Not when you, you know just sort of let it become audio wallpaper, but when you listen...so different.

Anyway, I listened for a few times but now I'm back to 7&the Ragged Tiger because that's an infinately better album.

Lessseeee, what else can I waste your time with? I got my nails done yesterday in anticipation of the Cher show (because yes, I am exactly that important that if my nails were not perfect Cher could not perform), and also because Stinky made me very self conscious the other day with her troll hand remark. (Wow, there's like, ONE person reading this who doesn't know but for you dear I'll explain, I have very tiny hands, I'm short, they're little)

AMAZON Amy aka Stinky is used to seeing me with my perfect long nails, but I hadn't been having them done for a bit and she freaked out at how small my hands looked blah blah...so now I've had to go and have the nails done, only the girl who did them was NOT Rose, the girl I like but some new girl who spoke irritatingly softly, made them too short,even after I showed her EXACTLY how long I wanted them, shaped them poorly and did a crap job of painting them. Also she tried to talk me into all sorts of other garbage. I was like, NO you have screwed up enough stuff for one day thanks.

Ummmmm...I think that's all for now.

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