2006-10-24 - 10:41 a.m.

Today in traffic I was pulling hair out of my arm pits.

Sexy right?

Forget Justin, I'm clearly the one bringing sexy back.

Not just any hair either. Long hair. Like 20 inches long.

In clumps. Well, not clumps.


I was pulling nests of 20 inch long hair out of my arm pits in traffic.

See, I love fleece sweatshirts. I have lots of them.

I also have long hair.

The thing about long hair and fleece sweatshirts that you never really think about is this:

Sometimes your hair gets all caught, or sometimes it's just shedding because you started coloring it pretty much in utero.

What happens next is this bizzare fleece thing where-in all of this hair congregates into the pit area.

It will come out of the wash like this. It can go in relatively clear of pit hair and come out having experienced some sort of fleecy puberty.

I've discussed this with the only person I know with hair that's longer than mine and who also is given to fleece tops and she too has had to have the "Are You There God, It's Me Margret" talk with her fleecy underarms.

Normally I dehairify my pits in the privacy of my own home, but today I was distracted.

I have a lot of clothes for a woman of certain curvature. I have mostly t-shirts and sweatshirts, a few silkier cute things, a few hippy things, lots of jeans and sweats and pajama pants that we've documented here many times will be worn to work pretty much with the same frequency as jeans and certainly more frequently than sweats. I have "workout pants" and sweaters and two drawers of socks. I have too many things that fall into the "bed clothes" catagory to fit in my dressers.

I was trying to cram the clean laundry into those dressers this weekend when I realized that I wear pretty much the same 10 tee shirts over and over again and the rest of this stuff just gets shoved down until I have some sort of laundry back up and I'm forced to wear them.

The thing is I will pull them out, these things that never get worn and I will consider ridding myself of them but then I will think that I could use them to wear under somthing else, or with this thing, oh what if I need a neon pink t-shirt one day and I've given this one away? (I have 4 neon pink tee shirts).

That was when I came up with the plan.

I'm wearing all of the shirts in my drawers IN ROTATION. Whatever was there, in whatever order it was there in before I decided to do this is what I will wear. If I come to a shirt and I absolutely cannot make myself wear that shirt that day then it goes into the goodwill bag without a second thought.

If I wear it and spend all day long hating what I'm wearing it goes into a special laundry section that will be cleaned and then head to goodwill.

Yesterday I wore a neon pink tee shirt, but ended up loving it because I wore it with a pair of grey work out pants with a neon pink stripe down the side and a cute heather grey sweater I never remember to wear. See? I'm creating new outfits! This stops me from shopping for clothes.

Today I'm wearing some navy blue pants I forgot I owned but am really comfortable in with a blue t-shirt that has Eeyore on it. Front and back. He has a butterfly on his head. I don't exactly feel like couture, and it's not my most rock and roll outfit, but it's comfy and cute and what the hell, I'm doing green crabs all day.

Gee, and the blue fleece I was dehairing had Eeyore on it too, I never even noticed. I just reached into the closet and grabbed a blue fleece.

I also bought new shoes this weekend which, if you know me, is really exciting because the are NOT flip flops AND they're really comfortable. That hasn't happened in six years.

Wanna see them? I know you do.

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Of course they had normal colors but that just wouldn't be me at all would it.

Speaking of abnormal...my very nearly 80 year old (in under two weeks) mother and I were discussing making my hair into a spiky mohawk this morning and the only reason we could come up with not to do it was that I wouldn't be able to fit my hair in the car if I do.

How do people with big mohawks do that? Or is that maybe why they skateboard everywhere?

Either way I bet they don't pick their armpit hair in traffic.

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