2004-03-29 - 2:14 p.m.

Uh. Sick of him yet?

Tough, we continue down memory lane.

When I moved to Florida to get away from Jordan Wim was the only one of my friends to call me consistantly.

When Matt and I were having problems Wim was there for me.

When I announced I was going to marry Ben...Wim was distant. I didn't see him very often and when I did we talked about stupid crap. It was hard to picture that we had ever been close. Then one night we ran into one another almost by accident (it was designed, but not by either of us, this "friend" of mine Terri had a mad crush on him and her brother worked at the same pool hall as Wim. He told her he'd be working this particular night and she suddenly had an urge to play pool, something we never did.) Wim had gotten off work early but was still there.

When we first came in he came over to say hello. We chatted a little, I told him we had a wedding date and that he should plan to come to Florida for the wedding in the spring. He made small talk for a little while longer and then disappeared.

We stayed and played pool and hung around with some friends of Terri's brother. Right before we were ready to leave Wim appeared from the back room and called me over to him at the bar. He was drunk off his ass. He asked me when the wedding date was again. I told him and he said "So I still have a few months to change your mind."

Then he pulled me close and kissed me, then whispered in my ear "Don't marry him." I told him he was drunk, kissed his cheek and left.

When I got out to the car I sat stunned and said to Terri "did wim just kiss me?" "UH YEAH!" She was losing it.

Wanna know something funny? I don't remember the kiss. It's like it happened in this bubble. I remember the second before, I remember the second after, but I don't remember the kiss.

Everyone else remembered the kiss. I got harrassed plenty from Terri's brother and friends for the kiss, apparently it lasted long enough to garner attention from most of the people in the place.

And I remember not one thing about it.

And I wasn't drunk. I hadn't had a single drink that night.

I think our minds protect us from what we can't handle.

Anyways, then there's the night I threw him out of bed at 3 am. but we're gonna leave that one alone. We'll also leave alone the night he begged for forgiveness for completely inappropriate demands behind the bank...

The point is that the history with Wim is long and varied and I'd like to be in a place where I feel good enough about myself physically to turn seeing him this week into one of those experiences that are probably not good for me in the long run but do alot for making me feel better in the short term (also known as having a mcintyre moment).

I worry that I'm not up to a mcintyre moment with Wim, but he'd be a good choice for the new relationship guidelines. I like him well enough, I'm attracted to him, but I also know that he'll never really amount to much more than a hot bod/great flirt. While I might have given my heart to him when I was younger I require much more substance now, and my heart is in a little box at the bottom of someone elses gym locker. It's gonna stay there for all of eternity and all I have left is this body.

I guess it's time to get it in shape because without my heart getting in the way I'm guessing I could have some pretty good times. McIntyre style (minus the drugs. probably.)

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