2004-06-21 - 2:59 p.m.

I had a long weekend.

Not the kind of long weekend that starts on thursday.

Not the kind of long weekend that ends on tuesday.

The kind of long weekend where you do stuff you don't want to do especially because it's the stuff you have to do.

Obligatory weekend.

Because of that I had to miss a friend's "Jack and Jill" though I'm not sure they were calling it that.

I couldn't make my apologies ahead of time because I'm pretty sure it was a surprise one.

I wanted to go. I would have hated it because we all know how I feel about social stuff, but still she's important to me so I wanted to go.

I'd love to call her and see how it went.

We have no phones here. Still.

My cell phone is WAY over on minutes.

I spent my lunch hour in my car parked by the water crying today.

The Evil One blew up on me about ordering. He wants to order RIGHT NOW.

We can't.

He slammed his fist on my desk and started screaming.

I had to leave.

I can't take any more.

I CAN NOT do everything for everyone.

Someone has to make a fucking decision.

It won't be me.

I'm sick of all of it.

So that's where I'm at today.

Only there is a good part. Dobie's wife brought in the new baby.

Kayle is beautiful and I sat with her and she smiled at me and for a few minutes I had to put all the anger aside because you can't hold a baby and be angry, it translates to them, you can't put that on them.

Let me say this. I don't really like babies. I did when I was younger. Now? No. I don't hold them, I don't coo at them, I don't tell people how cute their babies are. I don't point them out in the grocery store.

My cousins have had babies recently and brought them over to me to hold at holidays and birthday parties and I tell them no thanks, you birthed it you hold it.

I do enjoy my cousin's 5 year old, but I see him rarely.

This baby I could not wait to hold. Kayle is beautiful and happy. It was a nice little reprieve in my day and I was grateful for it.

Now my tuna, which I could have eaten during my lunch had I not been being screamed at, has gone bad from sitting in the sun with me while I cried.

I wanted that tuna so badly. I love tuna. I mixed it last night and was giddy with anticipation of eating it today.

It tastes sour.

Maybe that's just me.

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