2004-04-15 - 1:25 p.m.

The joy returns.

Ode to Joy should be playing in the background as you read this.



I'm rapturous.

Is that a word? Is it spelled correctly?

I don't care.

Yesterday afternoon after writing all of these entries my phone rang and it was Trevor.

He was going to swing by to visit.

Nothing can pull me out of a funk like a visit from Trevor so that was good. Well, it was good except that I looked like hell, but otherwise it was good.

I love Trevor to visit.

Anyway, that's not the rapture, though the visit went well.

I was feeling good and so on the drive home I decided to try those numbers for Matt again.

I just kept hearing this voice in my head say that if I didn't try the numbers soon he could be gone from them.

I dialed the first number and got a voice mail. I didn't want to take the chance so I hung up and dialed the second number.


is it him? how can I not know his voice?

"Hi...um, I'm looking for Matt Goodband..."

"This is Matthieu..."

"Wow, how could I not know your voice?"

"Who is this?"

"I'm not telling you, you have to guess."

"This is going to be hard, you'll have to give me a hint."

"No. No hints."

"It's too hard. One hint."

"Okay, but you better get it straight off with this hint or I'm hanging up and you'll never hear from me again."

"Okay, give it to me."

"She who holds the chain."

"OOMM!" (only he said my real name cause he don't know from OOMM)


So we talked for a half hour.

He has no idea how his dad has that number, he hasnt' talked to his dad in years.

He's moving to Tampa (can we discuss why they all have to move to Florida?) in 7 weeks. If I hadn't called when I did I'd have lost him forever.

He got my email address and promised emails and pictures and instant messages.

I held my breath.

Matt can be bad at this sort of thing.

I refused to check my email last night. I had to have something to hope for.

I got in this morning and yes, email, from matt. Pictures of Matt (looking chubby if you can believe it)and his mom and his friends.

Then the conversation with the KOI, then a bitch session with Dobie and then I return to my computer to find the screen filled with instant messages from Matt.

Who knew my heart could feel so light?

He misses me. I tell him I was afraid he had replaced me, he reassures me that could never happen.

We slip right back into ourselves.

We even fought over Toby Keith, a guy neither of us would have looked twice at years ago.

He sent a photo of his Florida boyfriend and damn if he doesn't very closely resemble Trevor.

Shopping from the same cart again is what he called it.

It's not contentment, but it's a damn fine second.

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