2004-06-01 - 3:08 p.m.

First of all, someone I love very much tried to kill themselves recently and I feel like it was in some small part my fault. She's tried to reach out to me but I haven't made much time for her and I feel terrible.

I don't want to dwell on that here though because it's her story, not mine and even though it affects me, I don't want to put it out there.


The KOI spent all day here being a pain in my ass. Ever have a completely incompetent, oversized, ornamental fish crammed up your ass? No? Would you like one?

We're just never going to get along again and the keeping up some stupid ass facade is too much work. Not to mention every time anyone stops to take a breath he comes running after them to give them something to do.

We're like this little toy he keeps in a box under his bed, when he has some time he takes us out, dusts us of, plays with us frantically until he gets bored or (more likely) can't figure out how to work our more complicated features and then puts us back under the bed to gather dust. Beat it pal.

There's so much tension between us it's insane. Then Dobie left. He's leaving for Ethiopia tomorrow and didn't even say goodbye to me, though he did say it to everyone else. He stopped in my office about a half an hour before he left to tell me some stuff and then said he'd be leaving in about a half hour. He does this all the time but always stops by the office before he leaves to let me know he's going.

Okay, see ya.


Respect. Afterthought.


Then the Evil one left us all an email saying he was going to ME today and he'd see us "later in the week". Uh. Okay. I kinda thought you wanted to maybe do a million of the things we need to get done, but again...


I expressed to the KOI that I had no intention of chasing down professors to beg them to come to work and that if they don't give a crap what we do or don't do I certainly don't care.

He hates this. He hates when I'm not busy "blowing things out of proportion."


He actually made a comment to me today that no one knows when Person X (remember her?) is coming back from leave. My answer? "I dunno. I don't care. I have less than zero interest in what person X does. It's distinctly unappreciated when I develop an interst in anything, so I'm interested in nothing."

Wow he hates that.


He says he's going to be here all week, all summer. We'll see. He'll probably try to hang the first week Dobie's gone but when it starts to show that he doesn't know his ass from a tilapia I'm betting he runs off mumbling about picking the kids up from school.


And just when he's gone, and dobie's gone and I think I have a half a shot at my headache being gone, the Evil Doc shows up. He hasn't said a word to me, but I can hear him out there.


Oh, and to add insult to injury, I did some work on Chapter 6 this weekend and was all excited to add to it this afternoon only to find that the disk that I thought I added it to is blank.


Oh, but can I just ask, when did it become okay for guys to just adjust themselves right out there in front of anyone?

The KOI has taken to doing this in front of me.


dinner tonight with The Bug, Tara and Mr. and Mrs. Boobs. If I can shake the foul mood it might not be so bad.

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