2004-06-03 - 11:39 a.m.

Working with regular people is what bums me out I think.

It's easier with students than with professionals because to a degree students expect to be taught even when they're working.

Still it's the impulsiveness, the intrusion that kills me.

Here's what I love, in very small part, about the lifestyle dominants and submissives.

It's a one on one situation.

I detest group dynamics.

I want to be able to put all of my focus on one person, whether I am talking or listening, dominant or submissive.

I want to have the most full experience that I can have of that person, and I want them to have the most full experience they can have of me, I can't do that with more than one person at a time.

What brought all of this up? Two things, one directly related to a dom/sub relationship, the other not.

Yesterday was a good training day for the new sub. We're going to refer to her as Bukura from now on here, okay?

Bukura had a break through on tuesday and went home to share this with her sig. o. He took it in a completely different direction and they fought. She came to me to discuss this yesterday. She's ready to learn more about her submission and either embrace it fully so that she can choose her masters instead of allowing them to choose her, or to release herself from her submissive traits. Either way, I enjoy working with her.

I assigned her a task, one I had assigned another student earlier in the day but which he failed to excel at. This task would accomplish two goals. Goal one, it was work, the type for which she get's paid. Goal two, it would keep her very close to me and allow us time to talk.

She whined when I gave her the assignment and said "Why do I have to do it?"

This is to be expected. It's every day stuff with new subs and I did what anyone would do. I told her to go and do nothing. She of course said she would do the task and I put it away, denying her the ability, and denying her any other task to complete.

The best punishment for a sub is to leave them without direction.

She went to her car to stew and cry.

Perfectly acceptable reaction.

Here's the part that annoys me.

One of her coworkers went to see if she was alright and had a discussion with her about my sexual pursuation and whether my interst in her might be making her uncomfortable.

I don't want someone else comforting my sub. If she's being punished she needs to go and be punished. Do not nurture her when it is not nurturing time, that upsets the balance.

However. That said, I have a magnificent eye for subs because she came to me, reported the entire converstation, shared that she told this interloper that she was fine, that I was most certainly not making her uncomfortable, that we, together were very open about sexuality as well as everything else that's going on.

And then she explained to me what she did not explain to him. She went to the car because she was angry with herself for not submitting immediately. She was upset because what she had truly wanted to do was what I asked but that her initial response was to back away from being told what to do.

I love her. She is so completely in touch with her motiviations and so willing to respond to them and be open and honest both with herself and with me.

And I was honest with her about why I chose to punish her in the way that I did. It will make her more willing in the future to submit to what is truly her will, not just because I asked her to. That's the crux of it you know, the backing down from your own will just to spite someone else, in the end it gives the power to the person you tried to spite. If she had followed her own will, done her task, she could have enjoyed her afternoon instead of sitting in a car crying.

It's a slow learning process, but she's a quick study and so motivated.

The hardest barrier will be to show her that being submissive is not about being a doormat.

The second thing that happened, the one that has nothing to do with the lifestyle but still has lots to do with me hating a group dynamic is this:

Sploogeboy (if you don't know who that is it's not really important, just know that he is a student who works here) comes into my office looking for something to do. I send him to ask another student a question about whether something else got finished yesterday.

I sit and wait for him to return with the answer.

He does not return.

His etchasketch has been shaken a few too many times so I assume he has simply wandered off.

The student I like to call the "Little General", the student I sent him to ask the question of, comes into the office to show me a piece of equipment that he shouldn't be playing with. I explain that he has other things to do and then ask him about SploogeBoy.

Little General explains that he gave SpoogeBoy a job to do.


Well, okay, he gave him a valid job to do, but that wasn't really his place. I don't blame him though, he didn't know that Sploogeboy had been sent to ask him something, he just assumed SB needed something to do and found him something. (You see where the Little General nickname comes from?)

Sploogeboy on the other hand knows that he was to come back to me.

I wait a bit and then go outside to find SB working along. He is happy as a puppy to see me.

I calmly ask him who is in charge. I hate this question. I don't want to do it this way, but subtle doesn't work when you've only got two brain cells on the receiving end.

He says "You are."

I say "I gave you a task. I did not tell you to go ask Little General for a job, I asked you to get the answer to a question so that I could decide where I wanted everyone."

This is more self explanation than I would normally employ, but again, two brain cells.

He appologizes and I walk away.

Here's where I get super annoyed. As I am walking away the Little General shouts over: "You work for me SploogeBoy."


You do not make the situation into a joke.

She is not amused.

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