2006-11-16 - 4:06 p.m.

Here's a life lesson for you.

Do that thing that you're resisting because it would be just that little bit to self indulgent. I mean, that thing that wouldn't hurt anyone, isn't really at anyone else's expense but you just feel too busy or whatnot to do it.

Here's why.

Since my supposed vacation really I've been feeling torn. I love my family more than anything (when I say family I include my pets that should go without saying) and I'll do pretty much anything for them. I feel blessed to have them and hate to admit that occasionally even though I would rather have them in my life and have to make occasional sacrifices to that end than not, I get a little down about all of the sacrifices.

Understand, I HATE feeling that way. I want to WANT to give up vacations and having friends and all that stuff. I...it's so difficult to explain, but anyway, since my so called vacation in what was it, September? October? I don't even remember, I've been feeling a little robbed.

It's making me tired and short tempered and stealing my sleep. My entire body has been revolting...well, my body is revolting ever since I stopped going to the gym...make that rebelling with aches and pains and my mind reels with things that upset me.

In October I had the opportunity to see a very dear friend. We've spoken of him here often. We don't see each other very much, it's a feast or famine sort of thing and while in the begining of the year (I think- I'm terrible with time frames) it was feast, for some time now it has been famine.

He was in New York for most of September and again in october and then again just a little under a week ago. Him being in New York is as good as him being in my back garden because normally he is somewhere like London or Milan or Tokyo.

Anyway, he kept asking to see me and I kept telling him that I just couldn't make the time, for one reason or another.

We had secretly made plans to surprise another friend when I went to her house for vacation because he would be only about an hour away and was going to meet us for dinner one night. I'm kind of glad I never told her because I never made it to her house.

We've talked on the phone a bit here and there which always has the dichotimous result of my being elated and warm and fuzzy at hearing his voice, and hanging up feeling like I want to cry because he's not there.

He'd been feeling kind of sick around his birthday in October and asked me especially then if I would just find a way to spend an afternoon together.

I could have, but I didn't. My negative response was not well thought out it was knee-jerk. I had no reason to say no to an afternoon away from work for the purpose of seeing him, I've done it dozens of times before but lately I'm in the mode of cutting myself off from people and so I said no.

Just a few minutes ago he sent me some pictures (pictures I've been told I'm not allowed to share here, though I'm not sure why, they certainly aren't risque...I'm guessing there's some sort of copywrite issue) from the past few months of him and our friends.

If you know me at all you know that scruff makes me tingly in all the right places.

I've seen this friend lightly scruffed but it's been years since I've seen him full on scruffified. Like since 1986.

Oh, what I missed. He's shaved now, but had I met him in upstate new york on that vacation he would have been sporting a near full beard of scruff.

Probably for the best though, neither of us may have been heard from again.

Anyway, on a smaller note today Dobie came to work for the first time in a week. His family has been dealing with some pretty serious health issues (prayers accepted and appreciated thanks) and this was his first time out of the house and away from the fear of watching your child be gravely ill. He needed to clear his head of all that, it was obvious.

He directed me to some funny stuff on You Tube and was getting ready to settle in and share the funny with me but I said I couldn't partake in the funny, I had work to do.

I did about ten mintues of work, thinking the whole time about how Dobie probably needed that break from the noise in his head and someone to share it with.

I called him in, telling him I had finished what I needed to do and asked him to direct me again to the funny.

The two of us laughed for more than an hour. Eddie Izzard. I know, I'm the last person on earth to see him, but for real, he's too funny.

I thought about how I had fought taking the time out to laugh with Dobie and then given in, more for him than myself but oh what I got out of it.

I needed that brief release as much as he did.

I'll probably go about my day being much nicer to everyone around me because of it.

So go ahead, indulge yourself a little and if you have trouble giving yourself permission for that sort of thing, than consider your uplifted spirits a gift to the rest of us.

Believe me, you don't want to find out later that you missed out on some red hot scruff.

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