I�ve talked before, years ago in fact, about my coworker Dobie and how he frequently talks to his wife on the phone right outside of my office.

Before they had kids the conversations were usually him talking her down from some huge thing that was destroying her life such as a girl at work being mean to her or the dog not being walked on time. He was always patient, he actually said the words, as I�ve documented elsewhere in this diary, �I�m sorry, I�m sorry I wasn�t there to hold your hair back while you threw up.� He said this in the most loving, sorrowful way.

He also always said, �I love you� before he hung up the phone, or if she beat him to it then �Love you too�.

I�d expressed at the time, and a few time since, that I have no frame of reference for that sort of thing and that it sort of made me gag a little. If felt disingenuous. If felt like two people acting like they�d seen people on tv act when they were happily married.

Today Dobie talked to his wife twice. Understand, I don�t try to hear these conversations, I actually even have earphones in my ears so that I can listen to�let�s just say other things (you�d seriously groan out loud if you knew what I was listening to in the background while I do data entry on green crab stuff), and he doesn�t speak loud, it�s just the way the building is, you can just hear.

The first time they spoke the main thing I caught was this: �Why, are you in a bad mood?�

It reminded me of past conversations; back when he used to have to calm her down a lot. Only this time instead of seeming patient and loving it seemed sort of like a question that would lead to a decision of self preservation. It was followed closely by an estimate of what time he�d be leaving work today - an hour later than he needs to leave, and he�s doing nothing at all.

When the hung up I don�t remember what he did say, but he didn�t tell her he loved her.

She called back just a few minutes ago with an update on whatever drama had her upset earlier. He said some really patronizing things like, �Just don�t worry about it.� And �Stranger things have happened.� But this time they were truly automated responses.

�Press one for irritated husband trying to hide at work. Press two for husband who is tired of babysitting his wife�� you get the idea.

Again she asked what time he was leaving. This time he told her an hour earlier than last time, but I think it�s probably because he knows she�ll just keep calling and once he�s in the car she can�t (he has no cell phone).

And again, there was no �I love you� before the hang up.

I don�t think they�re fighting, I don�t even think they aren�t getting along. It just occurred to me that I hadn�t heard �I love you� when he hung up for awhile.

As much as it mystified me before, its absence makes me just a little sad.

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