2006-03-13 - 12:36 p.m.

Stupid work internet.

I was so excited to come in thursday and share my thoughts about the new America's Next Top Model with you, but the work net was down, again.

Friday I didn't come in at all.

So I know now that you've all spent the entire weekend wondering what OOMM thought of ANTM and the wait is over:

America’s Next Top Model Cycle Six brought to you by the word “Regal”

Two hours of pure magic. Thank you teevee gods. Thank you.

Thank you especially for putting Mr. Jay Manuel in nearly every scene. Thank you for Ms. J being a little less annoying so far.

Thank you for the stupid flower corsage thingy being gone.

Thank you for Tyra explaining to us that America’s Next Top Model creates “Working models that are working.”

Thank you for last night being so precious that that wasn’t even the runner up for the best quote of the night .

Thank you for not letting crying girl make it into the house because I’m all for the ugly cry, but not as a standard facial expression.

Thank you for reminding us that models are the only people on the planet stupid enough to believe that they were going to shave every single contestants head bald.

Thank you for letting this show be just full of itself enough to drive these girls all the way to a hair studio just to make them cry and then get back in the cars.

Thank you in advance for the day they tell Jade that she is a plain looking old broad with a big mouth and there’s a reason the fashion industry hasn’t snatched her tired ass up.

And now this, an open letter to Ms. Tyra Banks:

Darling Tyra,
The average person on the street is, in the end, who is going to buy all the crap you “fashion industry” types produce, or not, and so you might want to tone down the “we get it but others won’t” mentality.

Also? The average person on the street does get it. We know these girls are ugly. We know you like them because you got a big forehead and a fat behind. We are even bright enough to understand that the fashion industry likes ugly girls that they can dress up because most designers were ugly awkward children who used clothes to divert attention away from their own horrifying visage. We know that they hold up these impossible standards of unobtainable and ultimately undesirable beauty to make themselves feel better about not being able to obtain normalcy.

Oh poor mixed up Tyra. We get it. Thank goodness you don’t.

Thanks for what I trust will be another stellar season of creamy goodness.


P.S. What’s with Mr. Jay not being on panel? Can’t you just give him the whole show already?

The runner up quote of the night comes from when one of the model chicks was explaining to the panel of Ms. J (a black man), Tyra (a black woman) and Mr. Jay (a brazilian/Italian man) that she is Hispanic and that her family would flip if she brought home a black man.

“Tyra: What if you brought home Ms. J?
Model: Oh, they have no problem with black women.”

And now, the moment you’ve all been waiting for, the ANTM quote of the week:

Spoken by Mr. J (otherwise known as my other gay boyfriend) to Gina the model most likely to be kicked off next week, while trying to get her eyes to look less vacant:

“Put a thought in your head, basically.”

You can’t put a price on this

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