2005-09-22 - 1:35 p.m.

I completely enjoy fall when there are no students around driving me crazy, popping in and out of my office to drink their coffee and chat about their date last night.

I mean, I love most of them, but the popping in my office makes me crazy.

The only thing I hate is that I have to suddenly find my own lunch.

In the summer I just send the kids off with some cash and something edible just shows up in front of me.

Monday this week I ate the leftover chef's salad from the friday before's supper.

Tuesday I went to the little place down the road by the ocean and got chinese (never eat chinese near the ocean) which made me sick for 2 days.

Yesterday I ate a cumberland farms bologna & cheese sandwich - which I love.

Today I just started driving, not knowing what I wanted or where to find it.

I went to the grocery store which seemed logical for someone who's looking for a variety of food stuffs.

I wanted clam chowder but the only soups they had in the scary, salad adjacent, cauldrons of hot liquid stuffs were Italian Wedding (I've never understood naming a soup that) and some sort of Ham thing.

Ham is not a soup food, can we all agree with that and move on?

I wandered over to the prepared foods and found myself with a small container of potato salad in my hand.

Every time I'd look away from the label my head would tell me that I had mashed potatoes in my hand. Then I'd look down and find potato salad.

So I had to put that container down because obviously the potato salad had some sort of mind control agenda that I have no interest in supporing. Cold potatoes should under no circumstances pretend to be hot potatoes.

Instead I picked up a container which was calling itself Mac and Cheese.

I love mac and cheese and despite the italian wedding connection I wasn't really worried about pasta having any sort of hidden agenda.

You couldn't see the pasta though, just the cheese.

I should have known.

Next I picked up a roast beef sandwich. Twice. But it had Cape Cod chips near it and I really hate those, plus they're all potatoey and maybe had been in on the mind control thing so I left those alone.

Eventually I ended up where I knew I would. My nose pressed against the glass, my heart beating faster...

Rotisserie Chicken.

did you hear the heavenly chorus?

I did.

I always do.

I'm a sucker for rotisserie chicken.

This particular store doesn't sell just small RC parts so I had to buy an entire chicken.

I grabbed a bottle of poland springs raspberry lime water (Anderson Cooper likes carbonated water better than plain. I have always liked this particular water but we seemed to be very Anderson free in this entry and I'd hate to leave him out).

I headed for the 12 items or less checkout.

The woman in front of me unloaded her 300 items onto the 12 item or less belt, oblivious to the screams of her very tiny child in the carriage.

I waited until she looked back at me and said,
"I bet I know why she's crying."

The woman said, "Huh, what?"

I said, "Would you like to know why she's crying?"

and she looked at the baby, "Is there something wrong, is her arm caught?"

I said, "No. She just realized that her mommy can't count to 12."

At which point I left the line to get behind some guy who doesn't understand how to use all the high tech equipment available at modern grocery stores.

You know, like those little bars you put between orders?

While we're on that...you know how those work right? They break a little beam of light and stop the belt. Only the geniuses who make them made them hollow and open ended. So they just go to the end of the belt and sit there, the light going throught them, the belt still rolling away.

Grocery chick says she likes my shirt (It says "I'm really easy to get along with once you people learn to worship me") and I tell her I like her smock at which point I collapse into a giggle fit and she shoves my bag at me and calls the authorities.

Driving back here I see a girl waiting to cross the street at a light. She has pushed the "walk" button and is actually waiting for the light to change. I write this down because I'm pretty certain that's a sign of the apocolypse (it would be if I could spell it).

Then, just as the walk sign lights some little guy comes out of nowhere and runs out with an orange vest and a stop sign to stop the traffic, which has four red lights because, hey, presto the WALK sign is lit.

I don't think the little guy was official. I think it's some guy who lives nearby who made himself a sign and a vest and has nothing else to do.

When I got back from lunch this pain in the ass who is always trying to scam us for junk is on the phone with Dobie.

As soon as I walked in I knew who he was talking to.

I took the phone from Dobie said, "Hey, dumbass. I told you last week and I told you this morning- talk to Joe." and I hung up on him.

Dobie just stared at me as I wandered off to my desk to eat my rotisserie chicken and tell you all about my little adventure.


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