2005-01-11 - 12:58 p.m.

I think maybe KBeth is having my breakdown for me.

I haven't had time.

I know it sounds awful but I'm more worried about the work stuff than the rest right now.

For once I knew the "rest" part was coming ahead of time and steeled myself for it.

Maybe without the workstuff I'd be having my own breakdown but the twisted truth of me is that at her memorial last night (screw it, I'm talking about it) all I could think about was how much I needed to be working on my abstract.

I'm a bad person. Deal with it.

I don't want to think about burying yet another person with whom I've shared my romantic life and I don't want to think about green crabs.

I want to think about how Brad and Jen's breakup is secretly because Jen found out how Wendiloo really got that bandage on her neck. In tandem with that I want to think about how now that Brad and Jen and Ellen and Alex have broken up Wendi can have Brad and I can have Ellen (cause we all know that the only reason we weren't getting them before this was because they were taken). But Wendi has to share every now and then, like on my birthday. I'd share too but Wendiloo has no interest in Ellen, or any other chicks, unless I manage to wrestle Angelina away and then I think everyone wants a piece of her.

I want to think about how much I wish I hated that new tv show where everyone tries to out Martha Stewart each other but really totally love it and think I could win even though I have no desire EVER to be domestic.

I want to think about how much I hope certain teams are eliminated on Amazing Race tonight.

I kinda but not really, want to think about how ironic it was that Ellen wore a completely black outfit on yesterdays show which she would have taped on friday, which was the day Annie (dare I say the name) died. If it's possible I think Annie loved El even more than I do.

So shoot me, I'm the devil. I don't want to sit here and moan, and I don't want to cry and my world isn't going to fall apart because she's gone. Maybe the moaning and crying will hit me later, but for now can we get back to the business of being flippant?

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