2004-11-10 - 2:21 p.m.

Grissom's Hands
Chapter 15
When Grissom caught up Sara was pacing, her body rigid, her arms wrapped around her middle. He touched her shoulder and she spun to face him.

“I don’t believe this. You saw what I saw, didn’t you? Those photos…that wasn’t us.”

He squinted in the sun and watched silently as she resumed pacing. “He slipped right in, who knows how many times and picked up, right where we’d left off.”

He offered what he could in way of consolation, “He can’t do it again.” But he knew the best thing to do was to let her rant, get it out, as long as there was fight in her he’d let her fight.

“I have no home. You know that right? My apartment…” he wasn’t sure she was going to finish it out loud she let it hang there so long, but when she did the words rushed out of her in a tumble. “I could go back, move right back in, as long as the carpets cleaned and the crime scene tape’s gone I could sleep there tonight. Do you know why, Gil? Do you understand why, homeless I can go back to that apartment?”

He sat on the edge of one of the lounge chairs; suddenly exhausted he ran his hands over his face. Yes, he thought to himself, I have a very clear understanding of why. He said nothing, just listened as Sara continued her monologue.

“That one bedroom box that your brother invaded, that space that he used to violate and terrify me, it was never my home. The lab, the conference rooms, the garage, your office, those places were my home, more than that they were my world. He made my one safe place somewhere it would be nearly, maybe even completely impossible to trust in. The only home I’ve ever had or wanted, my respite from everything has become the center of my greatest fear. Even that wasn’t enough for Miles Grissom though, not even that.”

Gil closed his eyes against his twin’s name.

“He took my memories. I don’t know who you are. Do you get that? I don’t know who WE are. I can’t judge what moments, some of the most cherished moments of my life, may have been times when I opened myself, poured myself into the man who was leading me to my own rape and evisceration. I look at you and I have no idea what you’ve said to me, what you haven’t. What feelings are real and what was something your brother taught me to believe.”

He could take no more. Gil stood and blocked the path she was wearing in the grass. “Sara.” Soft edged and filled with something terribly close to pity. “We’ll figure this out. We’ll look at the photos; we’ll check every memory as it surfaces. I won’t let you live wondering, I promise.

She laughed without mirth or mercy and sat on the lawn, dropping hard and gracelessly. “Do you think that my biggest fear is sorting my memories? That’s an annoyance, it’s a loss, but it pales in comparison to the fear.”

He squatted I front of her, trying to force eye contact. “Tell me.”

“I never knew. He could become you and then become a monster. Seamlessly. He could convince me that he loved me and then do those things to me.” Now she held his eyes, “And if he could be you, you can be him.”

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