Recently I went on a spending spree. I bought a new fridge, a new sofa and a new washing machine.

All of which were needed desperately.

I got the fridge from Best Buy. It was really low priced, beautiful and about 3 times the size of the old fridge, which we didn't realize when we picked it.

It has taken over the kitchen.

That's not the point.

The point is that the amazing people at Best Buy got the new fridge in and the old fridge out in about 30 seconds even though they had to contend with small spaces and not such great stairways.

They did this earlier than the time frame that the wonderful people who called the night before had suggested, but that was okay, because they called ahead and asked if we would like it early, or if they should just keep the scheduled delivery time.

Yay Best Buy! And all of this for a low delivery price of, FREE.

The next day our new sofa was scheduled to arrive. I bought the sofa at Bob's Discount Furniture, I think it might be a New England chain.

First, when I went to buy the sofa the salesguy was sort of one of those old guys that you just know his whole life has been basically a failure and now whether he eats cat food or tuna depends on how expensive a sofa you pick out.

We browse, settle on one and he is right behind us, ready to answer questions, but to be fair, not at all pushy. I love the sofa I've picked, though I'm sure it will annoy me eventually because the material is not soft and it is not very cushy, it is long and wide and supportive which is what I will need the most.

I agree quickly to the extended warrenty because I know the 150 pound beast will eventually put a claw through the material or I'll spill something stupid on it.

He goes off to get for me the final price, which by the way, I can do in my head.

He comes back close to 10 minutes later and begins to read the prices he just told me from a clipboard, he gets to the third item and mutters something about the numbers being wrong and wanders off.

Eventually he returns and tells me what I already knew.

Shipping for Bob's Discount Furniture was in the neighborhood of $50.00.

As I pay he informs me that I will get a call one hour before the truck comes and that if my doors are smaller than standard size I should call him and tell him so they can take the arms off.

I ask what standard size is and it's clear he has no idea.

At any rate, yesterday the sofa was due to be delivered. They don't remove the old sofa, so we had to do that ourselves. It's a good thing that we did it the night before the new one was due to arrive because at 8 am the king of all things Drooly starts to bark and snarl and I realize that even though my cell phone has not rung with a warning call the new sofa is at my door.

I am in bed. I am in pj's. I have bad breath and a bad attitude. I have a dog to subdue and a cat to catch and an idiot at my door.

They guy comes and says he's bringing my sofa. I say, yeah, where's my phone call, he's confused. They didn't call?
No.

I lock up the pets and open the door. He goes to the truck and yaps with the other guy in the truck for awhile and then they bring the sofa to my door.

It's pouring rain. The sofa is wrapped in plastic as you can well imagine. I tell the guy about a place on my doorstep that is rotting out some and how he should try to avoid it, like the two guys carrying a giant fridge managed to do TWICE yesterday. He grunts.

The two of them push and pull the sofa through the door. STOMPING on the sensitive part of the doorstep numerous times. They slam the sofa into the railing post of my staircase and then realize they can't bring it in without tilting it. They tilt it, but for some reason this makes inside guy think that he has to cut the plastic off the sofa even though his partner and half of my sofa are OUTSIDE in the RAIN. When they and the sofa are all in the house they take the pillows off the sofa and procede to step directly ON THE PILLOWS with BIG MUDDY BOOTS.

All of this while the flip the sofa over to attach the feet. Guy one says "Uh-oh."

He looks at me "Ma'am? We're missing a T-Nut?"

This is supposed to mean something to me, and it's phrased as a question. What is the appropriate answer?

What?

We're missing a T-Nut? So, uh, I have to have them send someone here to put the sofa together?

Oh. What's a T-Nut?

It's what holds the leg on. It belongs inside the bottom of the sofa only it isn't.

I see.

Can I use your phone? We don't have phones.

I'm sorry What?

Right, they don't have phones. So he calls the warewhore er, warehouse and talks to the chick for days about my missing t-nut. Meanwhile his partner has left the building, he's gone back to the truck leaving my front door wide open to the pouring rain.

"Ma'am, she wants to talk to you now. Have a nice day" and he's gone. At least he shut the door.

I get on the phone. "Hi Ma'am, when would be a good day for us to send someone out to take care of the couch?"

"Today was a good day."

"Ma'am I'm in CT I have to get someone out there with the part. When would be a good day for me to do that?"

"Today was the day you were going to do that. Today was the day I took off work to have this taken care of."

"Right ma'am, but when would you like me to set up the appointment for?"

"I would like you to set it up for right now. I would like things to be done correctly the first time. I am having surgery this week, this was the day I had to take care of these things. There is NOT another day."

"Ma'am I'm trying to work with you to get this problem fixed."

"This is not a problem, this is bad workmanship and poor planning."

"Is next tuesday okay for you ma'am?"

"No. Today is good for me."

"Ma'am I can get someone out there next tuesday to take care of this."

"Will I get a phone call before they come?"

"Well Ma'am I can right that down but I can't..."

I hang up.

Oh, I forgot to say, that while he's on the phone with her moron number one hands me a paper to sign that I took delivery of the sofa. He has no pen for me to sign with.

YOU GET SHIT SIGNED ALL DAY LONG AND YOU HAVE NO PEN?

I read the paper. It cleary states that I should receive a phone call one hour before delivery. I cross that out and write in bold letters that no call was received. Where I sign it says that I received the couch in good condition. I cross this out and write that it is missing a T-Nut.

Sheesh.

With them gone I start to clean the mud from the off white carpet and find that in the process of bringing the sofa down the hall they have broken my phone jack and splitter. There is no phone jack in the living room now, no internet access from my desk and no answering machine.

I"m raging.

Hours later I am sitting on the floor, right by the door and trying (and failing) at fixing the phone jack when there is a huge loud pounding on said door.

The dog goes into hysterics. It is Bob's Deliverence Service here for another go.

I go to the back door, let them in there, corral the dog, hide the cat, let them all the way into the house and ask them what they want. They are here to fix the T-Nut situation.

Funny how fast you can get something from CT if you really try.

I tell them they'll have to excuse the mess but I'm trying to clean up the stuff they broke and stomped on. They barely bat an eye and certainly don't apologize.

They have to borrow a hammer but get the legs on the sofa.

Then, once again one leaves, with the door open and the other calls the CT bitch.

When he's done he asks if my dog is viscious and if we have bedrooms upstairs.

Are you casing the place?

Yes he's viscious and I keep my pipebombs upstairs.

Get out.

I now talk to CT Bitch.

She actually says:"Is everything all better now?" in a really condesending way.

I say, "No, actually, because I was in the middle of fixing the phone jack that they broken and cleaning the mud off the sofa cushions they stomped on when they showed up without warning at the door."

"Oh. I'm guessing you don't want to see them again huh?"

That was her actual response.

No. No I don't.

Anyone wanna put money on whether I get my delievery fee back by the time I'm done with Bob's?

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