Everything looks better after lunch.

Hopefully I didn't speak too soon.

This morning was not good.

Those of you who know me well(ish) know that I've been working on the annual report for the lab. This is a huge project always full of issues and problems.

This year has been no exception. Riddled with nightmares all the way through.

I finished the damn thing on sunday night/monday morning at around 1AM.

Finished.

I saved it to a cd and to the hard drive of the laptop.

I called Bossboy, king of incompetents on monday and told him it was finished.

I stay home(ish) on monday, more of this later perhaps, and today, tuesday, I come to work bearing the fruits of my labor.

I hand bossboy, king of incompetents the cd so he can pretend he knows what to do with it.

I tell bossboy KOI how to put a cd in the cd drive. (I wish I were making this up, but alas, no)oooh, it occurs to me that I like KOI as Bossboy's new name. Let's keep that. It works on so many levels.

So KOI puts the cd in and I wander off to do something, a finishing touch for this report, one last thing to put in, a coupe de gras if you will, the cherry on the sundae, the icing on the cake.

He follows me shortly and expresses concern that he cannot open the annual report of legend.

I am nonplussed. He is after all the KOI and so it is most likely just him.

When I obtain the coupe de cherry icing I return to open the file. I cannot open the file. I recieve a happy little message from the happy little computer saying "We are very sorry to inform you that all of your work has been eaten, digested and shat from the anus of the Dell Dude. Please go buy more Dell products and have a :) day.

Okay, it didn't say that. It said that the cd that I had saved EVERYTHING on was not having a nice day and it suggest that I save all of the stuff from that cd to another cd.

I'd love to comply. Only when you try to copy from a cd that's not having a nice day you get a message saying that the cd is not having a nice day and perhaps you should shove your head through your next door neighbors dogs nostril because that would be a better use of your time that trying to utilize new technology for, oh say,it's intended fucking use.

Furthermore the cd has taken up permanant residence in the computer and refuses to be ejected. I.T. will be out to help, as soon as possible, which means two weeks after I retire.

Okay. All is not lost because the file is still saved on the laptop.

I am out of cd's and the laptop does not recognize the external zipdrive. This thing is WAY too big for a floppy disk.

Why doesn't the laptop recognize the zipdrive you ask?

Because they only gave me a cable for the floppy drive.

Does the cable for the floppy drive fit the zip drive?

It does.

Does it help?

It does not.

So I go out to buy another cd. Surfboy and I have a big, semi heated debate about what kind of cd's we need.

I say I will go to Walgreens. KOI rightfully worries that I may not return.

Walgreens only has the cd's that Surfboy doesn't want. I buy none. I swing to record shop but am so aggrivated I cannot remember Ben Harpers last name and leave with nothing but a vague sense of the letter H.

I return to work aggrivated. KOI suggests "we" try staples. We means me.

I am not driving to staples. I am not walking around staples. I make this clear to the KOI.

The KOI wants to look at the final product on the laptop.

OK.

The KOI wants to change a bunch of crap. I give the KOI a look and the KOI decides he hears his mommy/wife calling him and needs to go home.

Buh bye KOI.

When the KOI leaves I try to print the f'ing report but cannot because the laptop will not stop flying into standby mode. I cannot figure out why until I read the part in the manual about how you should NEVER take it off the docking station without preparing it first.

I look at the docking station. It's on the floor in the corner where I flung it in a fit of rage moments earlier. I remove it from the floor and redock the thing.

I go to lunch. I return and hit print.

It works, it prints, the old version, not the final version. I fix it to the final version, print it again, using ALL of the ink in the brand new printer.

Everything is better after lunch.

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