2003-08-03 - 11:51 a.m.

What is the right thing to do here?

It was his idea to not do this. I agreed, because really, I just wasn't feeling him, but tonight, well, I was feeling him alright.

So we were just hanging out as friends, having an ice cream in the car, watching the thunderstorm over the river.

It's the rain, I told Katie I'd be okay because it wasn't going to rain the day of the "big talk". Tonight it rained.

Blame it on the rain. They may have been lip synching but Milli Vanilli had something there. That was them right? Maybe not.

So he wants to play house while I have some space. It seemed like a really good idea when he brought it up. It seemed like a really good idea to give in to the heat between us in the car, in the rain, on an ice cream high.

I called Wendi as soon as he drove away and asked her to remind me why he's bad. I knew there was a reason we weren't together, but I couldn't remember what it was. Total memory lapse.

Partway through Wendi reminding me that we tend to throw things at each other when we break up, I remembered the real reason we aren't together. Because I can't stay and he can't let me stray.

So is it my responsibility here to tell him no? It was his decision that he couldn't stand to go back because he didn't think I love him enough, that he wasn't the right man for me and he didn't want to be the "right now" man for me. I'm perfectly happy with him being the right now man. The way I feel right now I"d be happy with him being the right man, but that feeling doesn't usually stick around.

So tell me, send me the feedback, you know the address...tell me if I'm wrong to not remind him why it's bad to be around me. Why I'm poison.

Charley got that line right. Virus indeed.

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