2003-06-11 - 3:33 p.m.

Let's see if I can get through all of this stuff in my head in a manner that won't bore us all to tears shall we?

Firstish--My hands, back, feet etc. are all killing me from mixing cement and moving bags of cement and all for two days. And the rain today is forcing us to go for three.

I don't mind though. I'm enjoying it. I even had fun working with the evil dr.

My manicure looks like crap but whatever.

I think that the surfer boy is having problems at home. Well, maybe not. It's just that I did actually hear him snap at her on the phone the other day and he's been...different with me for the past two weeks. At first I thought I was the only one to notice but then a few people who it would be obvious to noticed and now almost everyone from the newest person to professors have made remarks about one part of it or another. The weird thing is how difficult it is to put my finger on. It's how he says stuff more than what he says, or that he chooses to say anything at all to me when he isn't bothering to take the time to talk to anyone else beyond curory stuff. And just so we're clear, this isn't me saying that I think he's interested in me or whatever wishful thinking you might think. This is more a matter of feeling like...how do I word this, maybe like Surfboy and I are this united front, mom and dad, or something and everyone else just sort of fades in and out of our picture. When we're all sitting around eating together, he told stories and was funny and loud and cute as a surfing button as long as I was in the room and a few people commented on how different he was while I was there and how it was all directed to me even though everyone else was right there.

I'm babbling. It's hard not to be so focused on it for a few reasons. Reason one is that I feel the same way, I feel like it's the two of us and the other people just sort of wander around us and if he and I can be on the same page then everything will be okay.

I've spent so much time in the past few weeks sort of buffering him from everyone. Everyone wants to tug him in one direction or another and I just want to protect him from all of that because he's the only one who's really focused on what we need to do. He found that out today, by mistake because I was telling people outside to get off his case about some stuff and someone asked me when I became his big defender. He came out just as they asked this and he was stunned that he'd need a big defender so we sat down in the office later and sort of talked that out, that I've been running some interference.

You know, there's that other level there too. That, I want to just throw him on the desk and have my way with him level. It's honestly not as strong as the wanting to protect him thing but lets face it, he's got an amazing body right?

Michelle just puked into the nearest receptacle. I know she did. Michelle, he's smarter than we ever gave him credit for.

Eh. Anyways...there's other stuff I wanted to talk about here. What was that?

Oh, right. There was an article in a magazine once about girls getting crushes on girls, not sexual crushes, just, crushes. I didn't read it but I wish I had because it happens all of the time for me. Usually they're really quick though because I don't like most people for more than a minute. And this isn't like a friend thing, this is...I dunno, if you haven't had it you can't understand it.

Anyway, there's this lesbian chick from Norway on one of the message boards that I think I have a crush on. She just says the best stuff. Is it a crush? I dunno, I just know I always wish I said what she just said.

Let's talk about Trevor for a second.

I miss him like an insane person and I can't find him and it's SO starting to freak me out. It's not like him to drop out of the planet for this long.

He really has to be on his honeymoon doesn't he?

I know a wall when I see one.

Did I talk about my ceiling caving in already? I don't want to talk about that.

Michaela's in florida. First vacation away from the folks a week after graduation. I don't have a good feeling about it. She's a smart girl but she's got a smart mouth too...

We're listening to alot of Toby Keith today. You know that used to be fun music for me but lately it's been more sad. Huh.

Tross man is sending me a box of goodies, and he's even looking to see if he has any office goodies for someone else I know. You know, he takes alot of crap but he's a good guy really. If he stopped hanging in that bad space he'd be much better.

Things are going to be so busy for awhile now. Surferboy has informed me that he plans on really leaning on me and Bossman has informed me that he has his head up his ass and plans on throwing me into a last minute panic at the end of the month just like he does every year so if emails or diary entries get sparse for awhile you'll all know why.

Oh, for those of you wondering, Joey (not the evil dr.) is spiraling further down and if we can all get out way he'll be in a program soon.

Also the asshole (that would be Jordan to the uninitiated) and I have agreed that we're reacting to circumstance more than each other and that if on a prepicked date we still feel the need then we're going to ignore the groans that we're sure will be heard around the world and give it another go.

Grissom will be sorely disappointed I know.

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