2003-05-19 - 11:12 a.m.

It was really hard to start with that today. I promised myself I would because there are little messages in there for so many people...

Little goodbyes.

Then I came in, after planning out that entry, and thinking and rethinking how very much most of those lines mean to me about one person or another, I came in and read my email.

Then I followed the links in my email.

And then I got slapped in the face.

What pisses me off so much is that I KNEW way back when...I knew I was yelling into the wind and that the wind did not give TWO SHITS about yelling back.

The wind however is a bitch. The wind whispered back and echoed back and reassured me that it was still interested in what I was saying only could you maybe yell a little louder because I'm so busy being the wind that I can't really make time to hear you right now, oh, and by the way, don't expect me to acknowledge you, basically AT ALL, but you know, I'm glad to know that you're out there.

So I continued, to a lesser degree, but with no less feeling, to yell into the wind, and include the wind in my prayers at night and all that other crap that the wind and I had agreed upon.

And then the wind tells me, everyone else too, but in a VERY SPECIFIC WAY ME to fuck off. That all of that yelling into the wind was so much crap that the wind had to put up with for the sake of others and now the wind is sick of putting up with me.

With my "worthless bullshit". Those were the exact words. They were inclusive of everyone, but one of the words that came after them was chosen specifically for me.

I've tried something like 16 sentences out after that last paragraph and none say enough.

Here's the one thing that I do want to say, at least the vipers from that pit I left come right out and admit to being vipers. They never say that they TREASURE you and then tell you that everything you said to them was worthless bullshit.

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