2003-04-29 - 10:49 a.m.

Are those of you who are in the south, or on the West coast feeling a chill?

Do any of you find that when you go to reach for your coffee cup it has floated to the ceiling?

Were people kind in traffic today?

What are the other signs of the Apocalypse?

I only ask because the Dragon Lady and I agreed on something. The Dragon Lady for the VERY few of you who don't know, is Nick's ex-wife, Taj's mom. Normally I try not to refer to her like that in front of Taj but it's no secret to anyone that we don't get along.

Anyway, DL and I agreed that Taj needed to hear the truth about her dad's health issues. Nick fought it because Nick isn't hearing the truth about his health issues.

(At this point I would like to pause to say, if you want to make a rebuttle get your own damn diary)

Nick finally gave in, and last night they sat Taj down together and filled her in. I know this is difficult for her, and I'm certain that she's angry at being kept out of the know for as long as she has. Taj (rightfully) hates being treated like a child.

As much as DL and I don't get along I am glad that she was there for this discussion. It was a family discussion that was needed.

This is what I meant when I said one of my excuses is gone, Taj knows now that her dad's health is worse than we anticipated and so now I have licence to discuss it here.

I wonder though if I shouldn't still hold back some, it's that whole, should I be putting the extra stress on her by discussing my fears etc. idea. But no, I think I need to get through this and if you read something here Taj that upsets you call me, we'll talk about it.

So then. Here's what went on yesterday. I called Nick to discuss my idiotic need to torture myself by staring at photos of him with the arm candy (and eventually also with photos of him with the woman that I insist is the love of his life, though he says otherwise) and after patting me on the head and there thereing me (well, no, he was better than that but I'm not about to tell you that whole conversation because I was a sniffling idiot) he drops this lovely bit of information.

He has a little cold or something.

Oh? Yes? (Extreme guilt on my part for making him come here, making him walk in the rain, letting Tara cough all over me when she was ill last week and then going back to him...)

So after some more prodding by me it turns out that the doc wants to ADMIT him for a few days to keep an eye on him because his lungs sound like poo.

But does he get admitted? No. And why? Well because he has this very important DVD to make in Birmingham this week.

That will be very comforting at the funeral, at least he got the dvd made before he died.

He's mad at me that I'm mourning him before he's dead. Yeah, maybe, but I'm not leaving anything left unsaid. I've been down this road a time or two, this time I've got some warning and I'm turning over every stone and working out every regret and you're just going to have to ...live ...with that.

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